I just read a really inspirational post on trying to "do it all." I came across this mama's blog a while back and she had some very similar ideas about lifestyle that I do. She called her post "The Impossible is Possible."
There are some really terrific women in my life who seem to have it all together. They eat the the right kinds of foods (unprocessed, whole ingredients, made from scratch etc) and homeschool their children, exercise regularly, volunteer, garden, keep a clean house, spend personal time studying Scripture, run a business, do "crafty" things, and still have time for playdates and husbands! I am so far from being organized (or energetic) enough to do even half of that. I know that these women didn't accomplish this all overnight. But I have still looked at them and thought "I wish I could do that." I have tried to stop saying things like that. I don't want to "wish away" chunks of my life. I want to be content where I'm at in life and enjoy each stage of life that I go through.
I love the saying that we are a work in progress. That's totally how I feel. And it's kind of great knowing that the Lord's not done with me yet. I don't have to feel like I've "arrived" because, until I get to heaven or the Jesus comes again, I haven't arrived. I still on the journey. So I reflected a bit last week on how I've grown in mostly intangible ways and I want to take a bit of time this week to talk about some of the steps that we've made toward the lifestyle we feel called to.
Over the last few years a BIG change we have made is in our diets. We used to buy a lot of premade meals (I didn't cook a lot) and processed snacks. I now cook most of the time (I still throw in a frozen lasagna once in a while) and try to make sure that those meals are well-balanced (i.e. enough veggies). Our snacks usually consist of crackers n cheese, or fresh fruit, or yogurt, or homemade (healthy) muffins or cookies. We also only do whole wheat bread and pastas. It was much easier for us to get motivated to eat healthier when Caleb started eating more with us. I really don't want his little body to get filled up with junk. I want to give his body things that are more natural and flow through his system without clogging arteries or filling him up with foods that have empty calories. I want him to learn to take pride in the body that God has blessed him with. In order to do that, we need to do it ourselves. That doesn't mean that we don't EVER have chips or cake (remember the apple pie I mentioned last week?). It just means that we choose not to keep that kind of stuff in the house on a regular basis. Adam and I are also learning to take better care of our bodies and we feel much better for it. It's amazing how a couple of eggs, whole wheat toast, homemade hashbrowns and a glass of milk make you feel for the rest of the morning! And then something as simple as spaghetti with whole wheat noodles and ground beef and tomato sauce with corn or carrots mixed in makes for a delicious healthy dinner.
Another change that we made was the switch to cloth diapers. I originally thought about doing cloth right from the time that Caleb was born. But I never got around to it. And when I signed off my business when he was about 10 or 11 months old my reward was to switch to cloth. It felt like a LOT of work at first but I was so passionate about the switch and since I used it as a "reward" to officially closing my business it was a lot more fun. Plus I was able to focus on the cute diapers that you can get when you do cloth and the fact that we were saving money and saving the environment... it was just a very exciting time. Next step is to hang my diapers to dry instead of putting them in the washer. My baby step toward this is to hang Caleb's nighttime diapers. He only has about 6 or 7 a week that I wash and need to hang up so it's very easy to take the few minutes to do so. When the newborn comes in a couple of months it will be more like 20 diapers every other day that I will need to hang. But I can still do baby steps and choose to hang them even once a week, or once a month if that's all I can manage. At least it will be a step closer to my goal.
Another accomplishment that I feel really good about is some volunteer work that I've had the opportunity to do. I get to support other mothers and even though it's really only a couple days a month that I put in regularly, it's great knowing that every little bit counts.
I have a list of 4 items that I want to plant in a garden next spring. I would love to have TONNES more but I feel like I can handle 4. Over the winter I'm planning to read about how to grow these items and how to prepare the soil etc. And I'm going to get Adam involved too (he can do more of the manual labour) and I know that Caleb will just have a blast finding out how seeds grow. Caleb already loves the dirt so it will be a really fun family project to do together. That's the way I'm looking at it. If I think about all the work involved and all the things I want to plant in the future then I will get overwhelmed. But a 4 item garden next year is better than no garden this year.
I've also read a lot about homeschooling and talked to a number of moms I know that have homeschooled or are currently homeschooling about how to start off with a toddler. It's very exciting that Caleb is getting old enough to "learn." But then I have to remind myself that he's been learning so much all of his life. Adam was always supportive of "my decision" to homeschool but it's been really great to see him not only support me but become pretty passionate about the topic himself. That's a huge step forward. I would love to buy a really great preschooler curriculum for Caleb right now and dive right in. But in reality he's 2 and a half! I do have somewhat of a more relaxed game plan for him over the course of the next year. A large part of which consists of going to the library regularly. He LOVES to be read too and will often sit on the floor with a book and "read" to himself. He was actually finding letters on the cracker box on the way home from groceries today. ("F, F, F, bigger F, where's Q? S, *sss*, *sss*, BOOM!" In addition to the library we walk around the farm and just talk about the animals and the plants and we talked a lot about harvesting. We've been talking about babies and birth a lot. Next spring we'll talk about gardening and where fruits and veggies come from. It'll just be living life. Way simpler than a full curriculum!
Another change was getting rid of cleaning chemicals. I'm not really one to put a "plug" in for a particular product but I would just like to say that I LOVE Norwex. I know that there are other great companies out there who sell similar stuff but my favorite thing is the antibacterial clothes. They came in especially handy when Caleb was potty training. I could just wipe up the mess (pee anyway), rinse the rag, and hang it up ready to use for next time. I also love them for when he was a newborn and I dropped a toy on the mall floor. I could just take my rag out, wipe it up, and know that it was clean. Plus they're still super soft but grippy enough to use when he's got jam or peanut butter or spaghetti sauce all over his face.
I have a number of other things that I would love to do with my time but for now I am just taking it day by day. I'm so thankful for the strength and guidance the Lord has given me so far and I know that He will continue to guide our steps towards living a healthier, simpler lifestyle. So that was a little longer than I intended but I hope that you enjoyed reading about some positive things. Like Kelli mentions in her post, there are many areas that I need to work on but I'm trying to be the kind of mom God wants me to be and live the life I'm called to live!
Feel free to leave a comment either here or on my facebook with some of the positive changes that you've made to your life in the last few years :)
Showing posts with label beliefs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beliefs. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
An Exclusive Club
So last night when Adam came in from milking he wanted me to listen to a song. He said that the words really spoke to him. The song was "I Believe in Angels" by George Canyon.
I had heard the song before but I don't usually pay really close attention to the words when I'm listening to the radio. Adam listens to the radio pretty much all day every day when he's working in the machinery or milking in the parlour. Not to mention that he has an amazing aptitude for deciphering and remembering lyrics anyway (i.e. he knows what AC/DC is saying!).
Anyway, back to the song. There is a line that says "to watch them sleep how could anyone say that there's no Heaven? Man, there's no way" That was the line that Adam really wanted me to hear (and we actually had to replay that part because I coughed or shuffled a plate or something during those two seconds *oops*). He mentioned that it was a great line in a great song but there was more to it than that. We both sat there and totally agreed with George Canyon. We've spent countless hours just watching Caleb sleep. Not to mention watching Caleb do such simple little things like smile or eat breakfast or play in his sandbox. And the "bigger milestones" like learning to laugh and crawl and then walk and talk. How could such a tiny person know exactly how to do all those things if there wasn't a Creator with an awesome plan for him and his life?
We kept talking about how people without children don't understand how incredible that feeling really is. Other people listen to that song and think "oh how sweet" but it isn't really until you have your own children that you truly understand the depth of it. When you become a parent you automatically belong to this "club" that understands heaven in your child's eyes. A club in which you can talk to another mother (or father) and completely understand where they're coming from when they talk about their relationship with their children. A club that allows you to understand more deeply the joys of actually raising children, despite the poopy diapers, sleepless nights (with newborns or teenagers!), financial responsibility, and the difference that it has made in your marriage. All those things can be looked at as negatives.
I have heard so many people say that they are not ready to give up their current lifestyle. "They ruin your lives" and "they cost to much" are the most common two that I hear. Yet if you ask anyone who has children, neither of those have come to fruition. They will tell you that children have enhanced their lives and that somehow they always manage to make ends meet. And yes you might have to do without some luxuries but if you ask a parent whether they would choose to have their child or an annual all inclusive vacation, or a new car, or more nights out with friends, they will tell you that they would never give up their child to go back to their old lifestyle.
As many of you know I read, a LOT, and some of the things that I've been reading on are the values that society tries to teach us. We are being raised to have a "things before people" mentality. Or "if it feels good, do it." Become a parent puts you in an exclusive club that has proven time and time again that putting people first is where you find "true happiness" (such a corny phrase and I hate using is but can't think of anything better) and that life is not all about you. Contrary to popular belief, people are much happier when they are putting another's needs in front of their own. When you have a child you have very little choice but to put his/her needs before your own. And that's not only okay, it's exactly what we were created to do.
So to all the parents out there, I'm glad to share membership in this club that is based on self-sacrifice, giving without receiving and yet feeling more fulfilled that those not yet in this club.
I had heard the song before but I don't usually pay really close attention to the words when I'm listening to the radio. Adam listens to the radio pretty much all day every day when he's working in the machinery or milking in the parlour. Not to mention that he has an amazing aptitude for deciphering and remembering lyrics anyway (i.e. he knows what AC/DC is saying!).
Anyway, back to the song. There is a line that says "to watch them sleep how could anyone say that there's no Heaven? Man, there's no way" That was the line that Adam really wanted me to hear (and we actually had to replay that part because I coughed or shuffled a plate or something during those two seconds *oops*). He mentioned that it was a great line in a great song but there was more to it than that. We both sat there and totally agreed with George Canyon. We've spent countless hours just watching Caleb sleep. Not to mention watching Caleb do such simple little things like smile or eat breakfast or play in his sandbox. And the "bigger milestones" like learning to laugh and crawl and then walk and talk. How could such a tiny person know exactly how to do all those things if there wasn't a Creator with an awesome plan for him and his life?
We kept talking about how people without children don't understand how incredible that feeling really is. Other people listen to that song and think "oh how sweet" but it isn't really until you have your own children that you truly understand the depth of it. When you become a parent you automatically belong to this "club" that understands heaven in your child's eyes. A club in which you can talk to another mother (or father) and completely understand where they're coming from when they talk about their relationship with their children. A club that allows you to understand more deeply the joys of actually raising children, despite the poopy diapers, sleepless nights (with newborns or teenagers!), financial responsibility, and the difference that it has made in your marriage. All those things can be looked at as negatives.
I have heard so many people say that they are not ready to give up their current lifestyle. "They ruin your lives" and "they cost to much" are the most common two that I hear. Yet if you ask anyone who has children, neither of those have come to fruition. They will tell you that children have enhanced their lives and that somehow they always manage to make ends meet. And yes you might have to do without some luxuries but if you ask a parent whether they would choose to have their child or an annual all inclusive vacation, or a new car, or more nights out with friends, they will tell you that they would never give up their child to go back to their old lifestyle.
As many of you know I read, a LOT, and some of the things that I've been reading on are the values that society tries to teach us. We are being raised to have a "things before people" mentality. Or "if it feels good, do it." Become a parent puts you in an exclusive club that has proven time and time again that putting people first is where you find "true happiness" (such a corny phrase and I hate using is but can't think of anything better) and that life is not all about you. Contrary to popular belief, people are much happier when they are putting another's needs in front of their own. When you have a child you have very little choice but to put his/her needs before your own. And that's not only okay, it's exactly what we were created to do.
So to all the parents out there, I'm glad to share membership in this club that is based on self-sacrifice, giving without receiving and yet feeling more fulfilled that those not yet in this club.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Thoughts for the Future
A few of you know that I have been thinking/planning to homeschool my child(ren) instead of sending them to public or private school. Through my life I've attended public schools, Christian schools, as well as homeschooled for a couple of years. I will be honost and say that I did well in all 3 systems. I think that school was something that I always enjoyed. Perhaps it's because my dad was a teacher and he instilled a love of learning in me so that I was always eager to pick up a new book and read. Perhaps it's just because I learn very easily in the way that the school systems teach. You pick up a book, you read it, you take some notes, then you write a test. For me this was always very straightforward and simple to understand. Not that I always go the best grades, mind you, but at least I never really believed that I was "stupid" or "didn't read well" or worse, "didn't learn quick enough." Those are all phrases I've heard people close to me say actually.
Since I had pretty good experiences in all three systems, what would cause the big urge in me to homeschool instead of make use of the public/private system?
I came across a website that made me think about my reasons for wanting to homeschool and actually put them on paper. This was an awesome experience for me to go through because not only did it make me evaluate my reasoning (part of it is because I just can't stand the thought of sending my children away from me for 8 hours a day, I want to spend that time with them instead) and expand on that. It was also good for Adam to see what some of the reasons were. He was a little more skeptical of the whole "homeschooling thing" because he only ever experienced going to a Christian school (the same one actually) for all of his education.
So anyway, here's my thoughts that I put on paper as I followed the outline on the aforementioned website. Keep in mind that these are a rough draft and unedited. I realized as I read through them again that some of the wording is awkward but it's quite late now and I don't feel like editing them so I'm just going to type them as I wrote them several months ago :
My Educational Beliefs
1. I believe children should love learning.
2. I believe a parent's main education to a child should be to teach him/her to:
a) Love God wholeheartedly
b) Love others as they love themselves
c) Love him/herself (confidence/self-esteem)
3. I believe all children learn by different methods and learning should be tailored to suit the child (not vice versa)
4. I believe children are naturally curious and should not be discouraged from pursing those interests.
5. I believe education should not be resitricted to a certain subject or method.
6. I believe a parent/teacher should only ever have enthusiasm about a child learning, not disappointment over what they haven't learned.
Life Goals for My Child
1. I hope he learns to listen to his Heavently Father in all things.
2. I hope he shows commitment to what he starts and is a man of his words.
3. I hope he becomes a wonderful, loving, involved husband and father (if God leads him that way).
4. I hope he does everything to his best ability.
5. A man of impeccable morals and ethics, I hope he always does the right thing, no matter what others do.
6. I hope he takes care of the mind and body God has given him.
7. I hope he is not afraid to be who God made him to be. Not ashamed of who he is.
Why we are going to homeschool our children
1. No one has a better vested interes in thier education than we do.
2. To give us flexibility of time to pursue life instead of grades.
3. To stay close to our children - emotionally, mentally, and physically.
4. To take the money we could spend on school and use it for education instead.
5. To be the favorite and respected teacher that they think about when they grow up.
6. Because I want my kids to learn in a way they enjoy.
7. Because kids learn better/more if they are not restricted by graces/curriculum.
8. Because I will not allow anyone to tell or make my child feel stupid.
9. My children will learn with, intereact with, and appreciate children in all age groups.
10. So we can learn right alongside our children.
11. Our school systems sucks.
12. To know what our children are learning.
Since I had pretty good experiences in all three systems, what would cause the big urge in me to homeschool instead of make use of the public/private system?
I came across a website that made me think about my reasons for wanting to homeschool and actually put them on paper. This was an awesome experience for me to go through because not only did it make me evaluate my reasoning (part of it is because I just can't stand the thought of sending my children away from me for 8 hours a day, I want to spend that time with them instead) and expand on that. It was also good for Adam to see what some of the reasons were. He was a little more skeptical of the whole "homeschooling thing" because he only ever experienced going to a Christian school (the same one actually) for all of his education.
So anyway, here's my thoughts that I put on paper as I followed the outline on the aforementioned website. Keep in mind that these are a rough draft and unedited. I realized as I read through them again that some of the wording is awkward but it's quite late now and I don't feel like editing them so I'm just going to type them as I wrote them several months ago :
My Educational Beliefs
1. I believe children should love learning.
2. I believe a parent's main education to a child should be to teach him/her to:
a) Love God wholeheartedly
b) Love others as they love themselves
c) Love him/herself (confidence/self-esteem)
3. I believe all children learn by different methods and learning should be tailored to suit the child (not vice versa)
4. I believe children are naturally curious and should not be discouraged from pursing those interests.
5. I believe education should not be resitricted to a certain subject or method.
6. I believe a parent/teacher should only ever have enthusiasm about a child learning, not disappointment over what they haven't learned.
Life Goals for My Child
1. I hope he learns to listen to his Heavently Father in all things.
2. I hope he shows commitment to what he starts and is a man of his words.
3. I hope he becomes a wonderful, loving, involved husband and father (if God leads him that way).
4. I hope he does everything to his best ability.
5. A man of impeccable morals and ethics, I hope he always does the right thing, no matter what others do.
6. I hope he takes care of the mind and body God has given him.
7. I hope he is not afraid to be who God made him to be. Not ashamed of who he is.
Why we are going to homeschool our children
1. No one has a better vested interes in thier education than we do.
2. To give us flexibility of time to pursue life instead of grades.
3. To stay close to our children - emotionally, mentally, and physically.
4. To take the money we could spend on school and use it for education instead.
5. To be the favorite and respected teacher that they think about when they grow up.
6. Because I want my kids to learn in a way they enjoy.
7. Because kids learn better/more if they are not restricted by graces/curriculum.
8. Because I will not allow anyone to tell or make my child feel stupid.
9. My children will learn with, intereact with, and appreciate children in all age groups.
10. So we can learn right alongside our children.
11. Our school systems sucks.
12. To know what our children are learning.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Flashback to my Cesarean
So last night I had a strange dream. And stranger still, it was one of those dreams that you remember with such clarity that you wonder if it was really a dream at all. In this dream I went to the RD Regional Hospital "Birth Office" (that's how I knew it was a dream because I'm pretty sure that office doesn't actually exist). I sat down with the lady for an "interview" of sorts about my birth experience with the hospital.
What I told her (in my dream) went something like this:
"I was very disappointed with my birth experience with this hospital. I ended up with an unnecessary c-section. Truly. Even my doctor couldn't give me a good reason as to why I had it. My son was in the perfect position, wasn't overly large (6lbs 15oz to be precise), wasn't stuck, wasn't in distress. He just wasn't ready. I didn't appreciate having 10 people in the room trying to "diagnose" me. I didn't need to be diagnosed, I needed to be left alone so I could deliver my son. I didn't appreciate that the one nurse that understood had to leave because her shift was over. I hated being tied to that stupid fetal monitor in the most uncomfortable position. I didn't appreciate being "on the clock" while I was in labour. Apparently it was more important how long I was in the hospital and how long I was 10cm dilated than it was how comfortable I was or how I was feeling. I didn't like that you guys stuck me up to an IV for no good reason the whole time that I was in labour and "forgot" to take it out after I had my son. I hate that my birthing experience with my son was a medical procedure that was being done to me, instead of the natural, empowering journey that it should have been.
Did you know that your hospital had one of the highest c-section rates out of all the hospitals in the province? (Note: not sure if that's entirely true, I know theirs is higher than average but don't actually know where it stands in relation to the rest of the province) I am not satisfied with my birth experience in this hospital and I will recommend to all my friend to avoid giving birth here."
It may have gone on further but this is when I woke up (at 20 to 5am!). I started mulling over this dream and reviewing my birth experience (again) to see if there was anything I missed. I could have said so much more in this "interview." Like how I felt so out of control and that it wasn't fair that no one asked me what I wanted. I was never asked if I wanted the surgery. (I told them "I want it out" and they took that to mean surgery. I meant that I just wanted something to help move it along) Like the fact that despite my son having 9 and 9.5 on his two apgars (10 is perfect but nearly unheard of, so I've been told) they still felt the need to hold him in the neonatal nursery for an hour. The nurse there also felt the need to give him a bottle of formula, despite my instructions that he was not to receive any (my husband stopped her, thankfully). Or what about the fact that I got to see my son, hanging upside down, for about 2 seconds before he was whisked away to be weighed and wrapped all up. I got to touch his cheek, that's all. Or the fact that they pumped me so full of painkillers that I could hardly see straight. Or maybe I could have brought up the fact that the nurses (most of them anyway) wanted nothing more than to separate me from my baby during my whole hospital stay. They would come in and ask if they could take him so I could "get some sleep," or "eat my food" or just generally "have a break." (I only had him for about 2 hours before they thought I might need a break from motherhood!) And whenever they came in to check on him, they would swaddle him and put him into his bassinet. I kept having to unswaddle and pull him into bed so we could snuggle and breastfeed and have skin-to-skin time.
That was my introduction into motherhood. I came home and realized that I loved my son but didn't feel like a mother. Looking back, with the way that I was treated as a medical condition, it's not really a surprise. I felt like I had been through surgery and a hospital stay. I didn't feel like I had gone and had a baby. That part of the experience was very surreal to me and took a long time for me to accept. I asked my doctor at my two week check-up why I had the surgery. He hemmed and hawed for a bit and said "well maybe your pelvis was too small." Did I mention my son was only 6lbs 15oz? (And nearly a pound of that was water weight that he lost in the next day or two). The c-section was out of convenience. It was Sunday afternoon, I had been 10cm dilated since noon. It was 3pm and everyone just wanted me to be done so they could go home. Did you know that most "emergency" c-sections take place on the weekends and holidays? Coincidence?
I have always said the the only reason Caleb didn't come down (he never really dropped, even when I was 10cm) was because he just wasn't ready. It occurred to me this morning that this thought isn't entirely accurate. I think that the reason he didn't come was because I wasn't ready. I just remembered that he shifted at one point and I kind of panicked. I asked if he was coming and what should I do. Nobody told me to relax and that everything would be alright. I tensed up and probably prevented him from moving any further. I was afraid. Being in labour is a time when you really need to focus and connect with your "inner self" (for lack of a better term). If you don't know how to do that and don't have anyone guiding you to that place then It's going to be extremely difficult to deliver your child.
I'm glad that I have been able to learn so much from my experience with Caleb. I'm glad that I forced myself to bond with him, it would have been so easy to stay away and be only half the mother to him that I am now. Here's a few other things that I've learned about labour and delivery in a hospital, things I wish I knew then:
They time you: from the moment you check in you're on the clock. If you're not dilating as fast as they would like they assume something is wrong and (try to) medically intervene.
Fully dilated doesn't mean you have to push: I got to 10cm and they told me to push, so I did. But I never actually had the urge to bear down. Push when you feel the urge and ignore the "coaching" that doctors and nurses give you.
You have 3 hours: from the time that you at 10cm and pushing (which don't always happen at the same time, much to the doctors' dismay, hence the coaching) you only have 3 hours to push your baby out before you are considered "failure to progress" and they assume they need to take medical action.
Your birth plan doesn't mean jack: you can't just write a nice birth plan with your wishes and expect it to be followed. You (or more likely your labour support) will have to be proactive in making sure that you are being heard.
You can always say NO: you can say NO to any intervention they throw your way. You can say NO to the scare tactics they use (I was told "you could push for another 12 hours, this baby's not budging") and you can say NO to having a hundred people in your labour room "observing you" like you're some sort of animal in a zoo.
So my advice to expectant moms is to either avoid the hospital scene altogether by getting a midwife or having an unassisted homebirth, or to get a doula or a "been there done that mom" friend whose views on birth are similar to yours. Someone you trust will stand up for you in the midst of the chaos of the medical system. And if you do have an "unnecesaren" or any kind of traumatic birth experience (read as: bad feelings associated with your birth experience) then talk to someone. Get into a support group or find another mom who has been there and worked through it. And of course, pray pray pray about it. God is an amazing Healer and He won't tell you it's silly to feel the way you do. It's not just about having a healthy baby (although that is important and a great blessing) it's also about having a healthy, happy mama.
What I told her (in my dream) went something like this:
"I was very disappointed with my birth experience with this hospital. I ended up with an unnecessary c-section. Truly. Even my doctor couldn't give me a good reason as to why I had it. My son was in the perfect position, wasn't overly large (6lbs 15oz to be precise), wasn't stuck, wasn't in distress. He just wasn't ready. I didn't appreciate having 10 people in the room trying to "diagnose" me. I didn't need to be diagnosed, I needed to be left alone so I could deliver my son. I didn't appreciate that the one nurse that understood had to leave because her shift was over. I hated being tied to that stupid fetal monitor in the most uncomfortable position. I didn't appreciate being "on the clock" while I was in labour. Apparently it was more important how long I was in the hospital and how long I was 10cm dilated than it was how comfortable I was or how I was feeling. I didn't like that you guys stuck me up to an IV for no good reason the whole time that I was in labour and "forgot" to take it out after I had my son. I hate that my birthing experience with my son was a medical procedure that was being done to me, instead of the natural, empowering journey that it should have been.
Did you know that your hospital had one of the highest c-section rates out of all the hospitals in the province? (Note: not sure if that's entirely true, I know theirs is higher than average but don't actually know where it stands in relation to the rest of the province) I am not satisfied with my birth experience in this hospital and I will recommend to all my friend to avoid giving birth here."
It may have gone on further but this is when I woke up (at 20 to 5am!). I started mulling over this dream and reviewing my birth experience (again) to see if there was anything I missed. I could have said so much more in this "interview." Like how I felt so out of control and that it wasn't fair that no one asked me what I wanted. I was never asked if I wanted the surgery. (I told them "I want it out" and they took that to mean surgery. I meant that I just wanted something to help move it along) Like the fact that despite my son having 9 and 9.5 on his two apgars (10 is perfect but nearly unheard of, so I've been told) they still felt the need to hold him in the neonatal nursery for an hour. The nurse there also felt the need to give him a bottle of formula, despite my instructions that he was not to receive any (my husband stopped her, thankfully). Or what about the fact that I got to see my son, hanging upside down, for about 2 seconds before he was whisked away to be weighed and wrapped all up. I got to touch his cheek, that's all. Or the fact that they pumped me so full of painkillers that I could hardly see straight. Or maybe I could have brought up the fact that the nurses (most of them anyway) wanted nothing more than to separate me from my baby during my whole hospital stay. They would come in and ask if they could take him so I could "get some sleep," or "eat my food" or just generally "have a break." (I only had him for about 2 hours before they thought I might need a break from motherhood!) And whenever they came in to check on him, they would swaddle him and put him into his bassinet. I kept having to unswaddle and pull him into bed so we could snuggle and breastfeed and have skin-to-skin time.
That was my introduction into motherhood. I came home and realized that I loved my son but didn't feel like a mother. Looking back, with the way that I was treated as a medical condition, it's not really a surprise. I felt like I had been through surgery and a hospital stay. I didn't feel like I had gone and had a baby. That part of the experience was very surreal to me and took a long time for me to accept. I asked my doctor at my two week check-up why I had the surgery. He hemmed and hawed for a bit and said "well maybe your pelvis was too small." Did I mention my son was only 6lbs 15oz? (And nearly a pound of that was water weight that he lost in the next day or two). The c-section was out of convenience. It was Sunday afternoon, I had been 10cm dilated since noon. It was 3pm and everyone just wanted me to be done so they could go home. Did you know that most "emergency" c-sections take place on the weekends and holidays? Coincidence?
I have always said the the only reason Caleb didn't come down (he never really dropped, even when I was 10cm) was because he just wasn't ready. It occurred to me this morning that this thought isn't entirely accurate. I think that the reason he didn't come was because I wasn't ready. I just remembered that he shifted at one point and I kind of panicked. I asked if he was coming and what should I do. Nobody told me to relax and that everything would be alright. I tensed up and probably prevented him from moving any further. I was afraid. Being in labour is a time when you really need to focus and connect with your "inner self" (for lack of a better term). If you don't know how to do that and don't have anyone guiding you to that place then It's going to be extremely difficult to deliver your child.
I'm glad that I have been able to learn so much from my experience with Caleb. I'm glad that I forced myself to bond with him, it would have been so easy to stay away and be only half the mother to him that I am now. Here's a few other things that I've learned about labour and delivery in a hospital, things I wish I knew then:
They time you: from the moment you check in you're on the clock. If you're not dilating as fast as they would like they assume something is wrong and (try to) medically intervene.
Fully dilated doesn't mean you have to push: I got to 10cm and they told me to push, so I did. But I never actually had the urge to bear down. Push when you feel the urge and ignore the "coaching" that doctors and nurses give you.
You have 3 hours: from the time that you at 10cm and pushing (which don't always happen at the same time, much to the doctors' dismay, hence the coaching) you only have 3 hours to push your baby out before you are considered "failure to progress" and they assume they need to take medical action.
Your birth plan doesn't mean jack: you can't just write a nice birth plan with your wishes and expect it to be followed. You (or more likely your labour support) will have to be proactive in making sure that you are being heard.
You can always say NO: you can say NO to any intervention they throw your way. You can say NO to the scare tactics they use (I was told "you could push for another 12 hours, this baby's not budging") and you can say NO to having a hundred people in your labour room "observing you" like you're some sort of animal in a zoo.
So my advice to expectant moms is to either avoid the hospital scene altogether by getting a midwife or having an unassisted homebirth, or to get a doula or a "been there done that mom" friend whose views on birth are similar to yours. Someone you trust will stand up for you in the midst of the chaos of the medical system. And if you do have an "unnecesaren" or any kind of traumatic birth experience (read as: bad feelings associated with your birth experience) then talk to someone. Get into a support group or find another mom who has been there and worked through it. And of course, pray pray pray about it. God is an amazing Healer and He won't tell you it's silly to feel the way you do. It's not just about having a healthy baby (although that is important and a great blessing) it's also about having a healthy, happy mama.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Some of the lesser known facts on Breastfeeding
As most of my regular readers know I am very passionate about breastfeeding. I understand that not all moms choose to do it and I understand that it's not always easy. You're entitled to your thoughts and opinions and I'm entitled to mine.
That being said, I think that there are many facts about it that even breastfeeding mothers do not know about. For example, did you know that it is recommended for healthy infants to be put directly skin-to-skin with mother after birth until the first feeding is completed? Even though I knew it was recommended to mothers to do that, I just read that is even recommended to DOCTORS not to interfere with this first feeding. (1) I don't know about other mothers' experiences but a lot of time the mother gets to hold her infant for a few seconds and then the baby is whisked away to be cleaned, weighed/measured, and given medication and other vitamins.
Another interesting fact that I learned about breastfeeding is that breastfed infants not only have higher IQ, their eyesight, speech, jaw and oral cavity development is improved. (2) There are various reasons for this and I won't go into the details but I would like to add that long-term use of sippy cups and soothers may hinder jaw, speech, and oral cavity development. (3)
I recently wrote about the Significance of Feeding and I talked a little bit about the bonding aspect of feeding. Did you know that breastfeeding releases hormones that actually make a mother feel more nurturing towards her child? It is a natural release of oxytocin and prolactin (4). Studies have also shown that breastfeeding mothers show less postpartum anxiety and depression.
World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for two years AND BEYOND (as long as mother and baby see fit). I have had people tell me this particular recommendation is for Third World countries where the baby is more at risk for diseases etc that the antibodies in mothers milk can help fight. This is completely FALSE. Health Canada also recommends breastfeeding for two years and beyond. Even in a First World country we can see the benefits of "full term" (2 years) or "extended" (beyond 2 years) breastfeeding. (5) Another thing to note on this topic is that many cultures still nurse for up to 4 to 6 years of age. North America is one of the few places where a large amount of babies do not breastfeed and where even "full term" breastfeeding is met with skepticism if not outright rejection.
This is probably my favorite fact of all about breastfeeding... well I shouldn't say that because there are so many wonderful facts! I'll just say that this fact is near the top of the list: Breastmilk kills cancer cells! Well there have been preliminary studies done that show it does anyway back in 1995, in Sweden. (6) I thought this was amazing when I first read about it and am shocked that research on this hasn't been expanded. Is it possible that the number one financial backer of cancer research (pharmaceutical companies) have something to do with it? Even if it is not an "absolute cure" there are still many benefits of breastmilk to a cancer patient, from an immunological and nutritive perspective. (7)
So now that I've said a few words about breastmilk and breastfeeding perhaps you can understand a little more why I am so passionate about it. I could go on for days about all the benefits to mom, baby, the rest of the family, society, the environment etc. But I'll just leave it at this. Hopefully you've learned something after reading this and perhaps it's given you something to share with people that you meet.
Some of my sources:
1. American Academy of Pediatrics
2. Australian Breastfeeding Association & Little Known Benefits
3. Problems with Sippy Cups
4. The Science of Mother Love & Of Love and Milk
5. Health Canada & A Natural Age of Weaning
6. Breastmilk Kills Cancer
7. Breastmilk as Cancer Therapy
That being said, I think that there are many facts about it that even breastfeeding mothers do not know about. For example, did you know that it is recommended for healthy infants to be put directly skin-to-skin with mother after birth until the first feeding is completed? Even though I knew it was recommended to mothers to do that, I just read that is even recommended to DOCTORS not to interfere with this first feeding. (1) I don't know about other mothers' experiences but a lot of time the mother gets to hold her infant for a few seconds and then the baby is whisked away to be cleaned, weighed/measured, and given medication and other vitamins.
Another interesting fact that I learned about breastfeeding is that breastfed infants not only have higher IQ, their eyesight, speech, jaw and oral cavity development is improved. (2) There are various reasons for this and I won't go into the details but I would like to add that long-term use of sippy cups and soothers may hinder jaw, speech, and oral cavity development. (3)
I recently wrote about the Significance of Feeding and I talked a little bit about the bonding aspect of feeding. Did you know that breastfeeding releases hormones that actually make a mother feel more nurturing towards her child? It is a natural release of oxytocin and prolactin (4). Studies have also shown that breastfeeding mothers show less postpartum anxiety and depression.
World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for two years AND BEYOND (as long as mother and baby see fit). I have had people tell me this particular recommendation is for Third World countries where the baby is more at risk for diseases etc that the antibodies in mothers milk can help fight. This is completely FALSE. Health Canada also recommends breastfeeding for two years and beyond. Even in a First World country we can see the benefits of "full term" (2 years) or "extended" (beyond 2 years) breastfeeding. (5) Another thing to note on this topic is that many cultures still nurse for up to 4 to 6 years of age. North America is one of the few places where a large amount of babies do not breastfeed and where even "full term" breastfeeding is met with skepticism if not outright rejection.
This is probably my favorite fact of all about breastfeeding... well I shouldn't say that because there are so many wonderful facts! I'll just say that this fact is near the top of the list: Breastmilk kills cancer cells! Well there have been preliminary studies done that show it does anyway back in 1995, in Sweden. (6) I thought this was amazing when I first read about it and am shocked that research on this hasn't been expanded. Is it possible that the number one financial backer of cancer research (pharmaceutical companies) have something to do with it? Even if it is not an "absolute cure" there are still many benefits of breastmilk to a cancer patient, from an immunological and nutritive perspective. (7)
So now that I've said a few words about breastmilk and breastfeeding perhaps you can understand a little more why I am so passionate about it. I could go on for days about all the benefits to mom, baby, the rest of the family, society, the environment etc. But I'll just leave it at this. Hopefully you've learned something after reading this and perhaps it's given you something to share with people that you meet.
Some of my sources:
1. American Academy of Pediatrics
2. Australian Breastfeeding Association & Little Known Benefits
3. Problems with Sippy Cups
4. The Science of Mother Love & Of Love and Milk
5. Health Canada & A Natural Age of Weaning
6. Breastmilk Kills Cancer
7. Breastmilk as Cancer Therapy
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Perfect Parent - Part 2
So last week I talked about the toddler in the grocery store. I just want to address the comment that was made about the discipline factor involved in parenting. I completely agree that most parents need to be more patient and just accept their children will be children and try things out. But, in my mind at least, patience and discipline go hand in hand. I read a really great post about spanking (can't find the link at the moment) and how it is one thing to spank your child when you're angry. It's completely different to spank your child out of love. If you are angry you are much less likely to be fair and gentle in your discipline. If you are exercise patience, you try to understand the child's motive behind the behavior and thus respond more confidently and in a way that will (hopefully) get the child to understand that you love them but will not accept this behaviour. (This is not a post to encourage or discourage spanking, I just wanted to illustrate).
Now, onto my original thoughts for this post.
We do all the right things (or at least try to) and pray for our children and teach them all we can about Jesus and His love and his Word. We discipline them with love and patience. We teach them right from wrong. We take heart the verse that tells us to "train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)
Then we hear from the principle that our child is skipping class. Or was caught smoking.
Or perhaps they have decided to stop attending church when they move out, or marry an unbeliever, or constantly chase after money, or live in any other non-Christian way. Ways that they certainly didn't learn from us!
I often think about how I would feel if, after all of the "good" parenting choices Adam and I make along the way, Caleb ends up going astray. We all know families where all the children were raised in the same household by the same parents yet one of the children becomes a "black sheep." Or some families where it seems that as soon as the children are out the door, the run the opposite direction and never look back.
It's easy for parents to start looking back and pick things out of their history with their child that should have been a "sign" of things to come. Maybe if I had attended more of their hockey games... Maybe if I was a little more lenient/strict with curfews... Maybe if I had paid more attention to who he/she was hanging out with... Maybe if I dealt with that particular incident better... It's a true fulfillment of the saying that "hindsight is 20/20." We can look back and see all the times that we could have done things differently. All the choices that we "should" have made, but did something differently. I know of many parents who beat themselves up by agonizing over every little detail of their child's past to see how they could have prevented things that are happening in their present.
I'm going to be perfectly honest by saying that there probably was a better ways to deal with those particular "hind sights." That being said, you need to consider this. Did you make those decisions based on God's guidance? Did you deal with situations out of love for your child? Or did you make those decisions with the intent that your child stray/rebel? What I'm basically asking is did you push your child in that direction on purpose? I can almost guarantee that the answer to that question is NO.
Since you did not consciously choose to send your child(ren) down a path away from the Lord then it would make sense that you also not blame yourself for their faulty decisions. A friend once told me that you can have a really great child but you can't take credit for all of it. Some children are just easier to parent than others. I always say that God has blessed me with an amazing child. I fully realize that Caleb's personality (that God given design) plays a big role in how easy he (usually) is to parent. On the flip side, we can't blame ourselves when they start making bad choices. God gave us Free Will, and He gave that same Free Will to our children.
Due to the Fall of Man and the introduction of sin into the world, we can't really fault ourselves for not making perfect decisions all the time. And we have to realize that imperfect parents raise imperfect children. No matter how amazing of a parent we are, there's nothing we can do to make our children turn out perfectly. That sounds a little disheartening doesn't it? If that's the case, what point is there in ever trying at all? So where do we find the hope?
The hope lies in God's promise to us in Proverbs 22:6. We sometimes forget that just because we teach a child something and live as an example to them their whole lives. they may not always do exaclty what we want them to do. For example, I have never climbed over the back of the couch. Caleb decided to do this. I was able to catch the little stinker before he fell of the other side and hurt himself. Where did he get the idea that climbing over the couch was okay? I have no idea! It's not quite the same scale as some of the life-altering/threatening decisions that plague older children but the principle is the same. I can tell Caleb that he shouldn't climb the couch, I can explain the results, but he may still end up doing it anyway. The only thing that I can do, as his mother, is be there to comfort him when he falls. But I can take comfort in the fact that no matter how many times he may fall off the couch (even after me telling him not to cimb it) when he is little, he will learn. Eventually. It may not be for another 10 years, but he will learn.
The same applies to teenagers and adult children. If you are constantly there to comfort them when they fall, the will eventually learn that falling hurts. They will also learn that you love them despite their imperfection and you can help them understand the God loves all of us in spite of our imperfections. Note: I'm not encouraging you to "bail your kid out" every time he/she gets into trouble, kids need love, not money and other material things. And we can take hope in the fact that EVENTUALLY they will turn back to the Truth. Once a child of God's, always a child of God's. He doesn't let go of His children.
So that concludes my current thoughts on being a perfect parent. I will apologize for and mistakes of strange phrasing. This has been an interesting post to write because Caleb woke up halfway through, and Adam came in the house so I've been a little distracted and all over the place. And I don't have time to give it a final edit because I'm going on a date tonight!
Now, onto my original thoughts for this post.
We do all the right things (or at least try to) and pray for our children and teach them all we can about Jesus and His love and his Word. We discipline them with love and patience. We teach them right from wrong. We take heart the verse that tells us to "train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)
Then we hear from the principle that our child is skipping class. Or was caught smoking.
Or perhaps they have decided to stop attending church when they move out, or marry an unbeliever, or constantly chase after money, or live in any other non-Christian way. Ways that they certainly didn't learn from us!
I often think about how I would feel if, after all of the "good" parenting choices Adam and I make along the way, Caleb ends up going astray. We all know families where all the children were raised in the same household by the same parents yet one of the children becomes a "black sheep." Or some families where it seems that as soon as the children are out the door, the run the opposite direction and never look back.
It's easy for parents to start looking back and pick things out of their history with their child that should have been a "sign" of things to come. Maybe if I had attended more of their hockey games... Maybe if I was a little more lenient/strict with curfews... Maybe if I had paid more attention to who he/she was hanging out with... Maybe if I dealt with that particular incident better... It's a true fulfillment of the saying that "hindsight is 20/20." We can look back and see all the times that we could have done things differently. All the choices that we "should" have made, but did something differently. I know of many parents who beat themselves up by agonizing over every little detail of their child's past to see how they could have prevented things that are happening in their present.
I'm going to be perfectly honest by saying that there probably was a better ways to deal with those particular "hind sights." That being said, you need to consider this. Did you make those decisions based on God's guidance? Did you deal with situations out of love for your child? Or did you make those decisions with the intent that your child stray/rebel? What I'm basically asking is did you push your child in that direction on purpose? I can almost guarantee that the answer to that question is NO.
Since you did not consciously choose to send your child(ren) down a path away from the Lord then it would make sense that you also not blame yourself for their faulty decisions. A friend once told me that you can have a really great child but you can't take credit for all of it. Some children are just easier to parent than others. I always say that God has blessed me with an amazing child. I fully realize that Caleb's personality (that God given design) plays a big role in how easy he (usually) is to parent. On the flip side, we can't blame ourselves when they start making bad choices. God gave us Free Will, and He gave that same Free Will to our children.
Due to the Fall of Man and the introduction of sin into the world, we can't really fault ourselves for not making perfect decisions all the time. And we have to realize that imperfect parents raise imperfect children. No matter how amazing of a parent we are, there's nothing we can do to make our children turn out perfectly. That sounds a little disheartening doesn't it? If that's the case, what point is there in ever trying at all? So where do we find the hope?
The hope lies in God's promise to us in Proverbs 22:6. We sometimes forget that just because we teach a child something and live as an example to them their whole lives. they may not always do exaclty what we want them to do. For example, I have never climbed over the back of the couch. Caleb decided to do this. I was able to catch the little stinker before he fell of the other side and hurt himself. Where did he get the idea that climbing over the couch was okay? I have no idea! It's not quite the same scale as some of the life-altering/threatening decisions that plague older children but the principle is the same. I can tell Caleb that he shouldn't climb the couch, I can explain the results, but he may still end up doing it anyway. The only thing that I can do, as his mother, is be there to comfort him when he falls. But I can take comfort in the fact that no matter how many times he may fall off the couch (even after me telling him not to cimb it) when he is little, he will learn. Eventually. It may not be for another 10 years, but he will learn.
The same applies to teenagers and adult children. If you are constantly there to comfort them when they fall, the will eventually learn that falling hurts. They will also learn that you love them despite their imperfection and you can help them understand the God loves all of us in spite of our imperfections. Note: I'm not encouraging you to "bail your kid out" every time he/she gets into trouble, kids need love, not money and other material things. And we can take hope in the fact that EVENTUALLY they will turn back to the Truth. Once a child of God's, always a child of God's. He doesn't let go of His children.
So that concludes my current thoughts on being a perfect parent. I will apologize for and mistakes of strange phrasing. This has been an interesting post to write because Caleb woke up halfway through, and Adam came in the house so I've been a little distracted and all over the place. And I don't have time to give it a final edit because I'm going on a date tonight!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Perfect Parent - Part 1
I'm going to start by apologizing for the delay in posting up a new entry. Caleb was sick for a few days last week and then there was the day where he woke up with no fever (hooray!) but had a lot of trouble cutting a tooth. (Teething is not a new experience for us but the first half of his teeth came after no fussing but just a 3 hour nap. So the pain that he was in for this particular tooth was a new experience for our family.) I was very blessed to have the freedom to hold my little man the entire time he was sick. But this also means that I'm behind on everything else.
Anyway, onto today's topic. After reading the heading you probably think I'm off my rocker. So I'm going to explain a little bit about where my head is at.
Our society has an epidemic. It's the epidemic of being the "perfect parent." Most of us have heard the phrase "I was a great parent, then I had kids." We all snicker at that because it's TRUE! It was easy for us to watch a toddler throw a temper tantrum in the grocery store and say "my child would never get away with something like that." Or perhaps we see a teenager wearing some... questionable attire and we tell ourselves "I would never let my child leave the house looking like that." Let's face it, before we have children we know exactly how children should dress, act, eat, talk, etc.
Then comes along our first child. And we realize that even our perfectly parented toddler can push other children, or throw toys, or *gasp* throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. This is really the moment when we should take a step back and say a mental apology to all those other moms and dads that we have judged in the past. Unfortunately we do something that really doesn't make a lot of sense. We are ASHAMED of our child. We know that there a people staring at us and judging us (the same way that we have judged in the past) and we try to find a quick fix for the current problem so we can walk out of the store as quickly as possible and hope that no one will remember the terrible parent with the obnoxious toddler.
In our heart, we know that our child was probably just hungry, or tired, or just didn't understand the situation (quick example: a child gets crackers as a snack at home, sees a whole row of them on the shelf at the store and doesn't understand why he can't have his usual snack - he's not being a bad child, he just doesn't understand why his favorite snack is not for touching). But we live in a society in which being a "perfect parent" is all about looking good. You and your child can both be torn up on the inside but if things look good on the outside, people think you're doing a good job.
I realize that an epidemic like this cannot be cured by administering a simple antibody. But I do believe it is something that we can, if we choose to, work out of our system. We cannot control how other people view us. If someone believes that you are a "bad parent" because your child is acting like *SURPRISE* a child, that isn't something we can change. We can only control our own thoughts and words and actions. And we can't even do that alone! It's alot easier to ask God for His guidance in this part.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)
I think that a really great way that we can put this into practice is how we view other parents. Parents are always in competition with eachother. It's time that we started supporting eachother instead. Or at least not being so verbal about our disapproval. Do we want our child (you remember, the one that just threw a tantrum himself) to grow up and see the toddler in the grocery store only to give that parent the same judgemental and disapproving looks YOU received because "when I have children, mine will never do that."
Picture this: You have a baby on your hip and your toddler is kicking and screaming on the floor in the grocery store.
Scenario A: A mother walks by with her own children and makes an off-hand remark to her own children about how it's such a disgrace that some children are allowed to behave that way in public.
Scenario B: A mother walks by with her own children and, instead of judging you, leans down to help you? Perhaps she offers to hold your baby so you can deal with the toddler. Perhaps she just moves your cart out of the way for other customers. Perhaps she just offers you a smile and asks if there is anything you need. Perhaps she just walks by and tells her children something more like "That little boy is upset. Remember when you got upset the other day? But he'll be okay because his mommy loves him and is trying to make him feel better."
We don't live in a perfect world. And, even if every single person that reads this today puts it into practice, I'm not naive enough to think that enough people read this to make a difference overnight. I do believe that the people who put this into practice will see a difference in their own lives though. It's a pretty simple start to making some big positive changes in your life.
So today I'm asking to you to stop judging other parents and parenting styles (unless of course the child is being harmed). Accept that kids will be kids, not matter how "well" they are parented. And learn to be patient with your children and accept the stages they are going trhough for what they are. We cannot have perfect children because we are imperfect parents. Do what you do out of love for your children, and realize that even though you may disagree, other parents make their choices our of love for theirs too.
Anyway, onto today's topic. After reading the heading you probably think I'm off my rocker. So I'm going to explain a little bit about where my head is at.
Our society has an epidemic. It's the epidemic of being the "perfect parent." Most of us have heard the phrase "I was a great parent, then I had kids." We all snicker at that because it's TRUE! It was easy for us to watch a toddler throw a temper tantrum in the grocery store and say "my child would never get away with something like that." Or perhaps we see a teenager wearing some... questionable attire and we tell ourselves "I would never let my child leave the house looking like that." Let's face it, before we have children we know exactly how children should dress, act, eat, talk, etc.
Then comes along our first child. And we realize that even our perfectly parented toddler can push other children, or throw toys, or *gasp* throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. This is really the moment when we should take a step back and say a mental apology to all those other moms and dads that we have judged in the past. Unfortunately we do something that really doesn't make a lot of sense. We are ASHAMED of our child. We know that there a people staring at us and judging us (the same way that we have judged in the past) and we try to find a quick fix for the current problem so we can walk out of the store as quickly as possible and hope that no one will remember the terrible parent with the obnoxious toddler.
In our heart, we know that our child was probably just hungry, or tired, or just didn't understand the situation (quick example: a child gets crackers as a snack at home, sees a whole row of them on the shelf at the store and doesn't understand why he can't have his usual snack - he's not being a bad child, he just doesn't understand why his favorite snack is not for touching). But we live in a society in which being a "perfect parent" is all about looking good. You and your child can both be torn up on the inside but if things look good on the outside, people think you're doing a good job.
I realize that an epidemic like this cannot be cured by administering a simple antibody. But I do believe it is something that we can, if we choose to, work out of our system. We cannot control how other people view us. If someone believes that you are a "bad parent" because your child is acting like *SURPRISE* a child, that isn't something we can change. We can only control our own thoughts and words and actions. And we can't even do that alone! It's alot easier to ask God for His guidance in this part.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)
I think that a really great way that we can put this into practice is how we view other parents. Parents are always in competition with eachother. It's time that we started supporting eachother instead. Or at least not being so verbal about our disapproval. Do we want our child (you remember, the one that just threw a tantrum himself) to grow up and see the toddler in the grocery store only to give that parent the same judgemental and disapproving looks YOU received because "when I have children, mine will never do that."
Picture this: You have a baby on your hip and your toddler is kicking and screaming on the floor in the grocery store.
Scenario A: A mother walks by with her own children and makes an off-hand remark to her own children about how it's such a disgrace that some children are allowed to behave that way in public.
Scenario B: A mother walks by with her own children and, instead of judging you, leans down to help you? Perhaps she offers to hold your baby so you can deal with the toddler. Perhaps she just moves your cart out of the way for other customers. Perhaps she just offers you a smile and asks if there is anything you need. Perhaps she just walks by and tells her children something more like "That little boy is upset. Remember when you got upset the other day? But he'll be okay because his mommy loves him and is trying to make him feel better."
We don't live in a perfect world. And, even if every single person that reads this today puts it into practice, I'm not naive enough to think that enough people read this to make a difference overnight. I do believe that the people who put this into practice will see a difference in their own lives though. It's a pretty simple start to making some big positive changes in your life.
So today I'm asking to you to stop judging other parents and parenting styles (unless of course the child is being harmed). Accept that kids will be kids, not matter how "well" they are parented. And learn to be patient with your children and accept the stages they are going trhough for what they are. We cannot have perfect children because we are imperfect parents. Do what you do out of love for your children, and realize that even though you may disagree, other parents make their choices our of love for theirs too.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Say No to No
I was on a forum a few days ago and there was a question that was asked by a mom. In summary, she was asking if 6 months was too young to tell your child "NO." I was a little disappointed by some of the responses given. The majority of them went something like this "I've heard it's not good to tell them NO but I do it anyway" or like this "I've been told NO and I turned out fine."
It's not a great comparison but it sounds like what people say in response to drinking and driving. "I know that I've had a couple drinks and I shouldn't drive but I'm going to do it anyway. Hey look, I made it home safely!" or "I know lots of people that drive after a couple beers and they're just fine." Just because not every time ends in tragedy doesn't make it the right thing to do.
Saying NO is something I've got a strong opinion about (I have strong opinions about a lot of things lol). The reason why we're told that saying NO is a bad thing is because it's a negative word and we're supposed to be in a world full of positive parenting, aren't we?
Here is what I put as my response to this question:
I say "ah ah" with my son and have since he was little. I don't personally like saying no all the time (though there are occasions that call for it). I just feel that if a child hears "no" and "don't do that" all the time it instills a lot of negativity in them. I think that a lot of "no's" isn't really setting boundaries. It's just telling them everything they can't do.
If my son puts his feet on the table for example, instead of saying "don't do that" I tell him, "feet go under the table." I give him something positive that he can do. If he throws a toy, I don't instantly tell him he's doing something wrong. I tell him "you need to be gentle with your toys" or " please put the toy back on the shelf." Put yourself in your child's shoes. How do you feel when some one's telling you "no" constantly and telling you you can't do anything. It would probably exasperate you as well. It's about giving kids opportunities to listen and do the right thing, instead of being scolded for doing the wrong thing all the time. Even if you do decide that "no" is a word you want to use, always back it up with something positive. "No, you can't do that, But you can do this instead."
With the work that I used to do and the atmosphere in the office I've learned the value of positivity. I used to work in a office that was mostly positive but there was still a decent amount of grumbling about customers, bills, the boss etc. I felt very drained after a day at work and wasn't always in the greatest mood when I got home. The negative things people say truly to affect you, whether you want them to or not.
The next place that I worked has an extremely positive atmosphere. There was very minimal grumbling and complaining. Instead, if there was a problem, we figured out how to deal with it. Compliments and encouraging words abounded. I was excited to go into the office and felt energized when I left! I felt like I could conquer the world and that I was capable of doing whatever I put my mind too. While I worked at this "positive office" (for lack of a better term) I also did a lot of reading on personal development and heard a number of speakers on the subject. I will never forget one phrase I learned "don't walk away from the negative people in your life. RUN from them!" We all have complainers in our circle of friends. These are the "woe is me" people. They are draining to be around and you feel worse after you see them than you did before your visit.
I am talking about this because that's exactly what constant NOs reflect to your children. What kind of difference would it make if that negative friend were to change her (or his) thinking from "I don't want to go to work because my boss doesn't appreciate me and always takes advantage of me" to something along the lines of "I'm really looking forward dealing with the customers and my co-workers at my work"? Do you think it might change her whole outlook on the day? (I say her because most of my friends are female so I think female when I think friend. I'm not talking about anyone in particular.)
Now put that same attitude towards out children. Do we want them to grow up with negativity all around them? Do we want to be that negative person that our children should "run away" from? Do we want them walk into the living room and see all the NOs they can't touch and start to feel down and limited in what they can do? Or do we want them to walk into the living room and say, "I know I can't play with that but I get to play with ALL THESE TOYS!!!!"
This was what took place at my breakfast table:
Caleb: signed Cheese
Mama: You can have peanut butter sandwich or your apple.
Caleb: signed cheese (quite frantically)
Mama: You can have peanut butter sandwich your apple.
Caleb: signed cheese
Mama: Sandwich or apple.
Caleb: chose neither. And didn't get cheese either.
I "won" that discussion and didn't have to say NO even once.
I have a corner with a table that has picture frames on it. Caleb is not allowed to touch them. He know this and I've never had to tell him NO. I tell him "this corner is not for Caleb." Or "these are mama's, you can play with your toys instead." Some things have to be repeated more often but Caleb is proof that you can have a NO-free household. (It's very cute because he actually points at the corner and shakes his head and then moves on to his toy box. Most of the time anyway, sometimes he needs a gentle reminder. The reminder consists of me saying sternly "Caleb" and he usually listens right away.)
Besides all of the positive encouragement that Caleb gets from this there is another wonderful benefit. He's nearly 2 and has never told me no either.
If you want more ideas here is a great article on 18 Ways to say NO Positively.
It's not a great comparison but it sounds like what people say in response to drinking and driving. "I know that I've had a couple drinks and I shouldn't drive but I'm going to do it anyway. Hey look, I made it home safely!" or "I know lots of people that drive after a couple beers and they're just fine." Just because not every time ends in tragedy doesn't make it the right thing to do.
Saying NO is something I've got a strong opinion about (I have strong opinions about a lot of things lol). The reason why we're told that saying NO is a bad thing is because it's a negative word and we're supposed to be in a world full of positive parenting, aren't we?
Here is what I put as my response to this question:
I say "ah ah" with my son and have since he was little. I don't personally like saying no all the time (though there are occasions that call for it). I just feel that if a child hears "no" and "don't do that" all the time it instills a lot of negativity in them. I think that a lot of "no's" isn't really setting boundaries. It's just telling them everything they can't do.
If my son puts his feet on the table for example, instead of saying "don't do that" I tell him, "feet go under the table." I give him something positive that he can do. If he throws a toy, I don't instantly tell him he's doing something wrong. I tell him "you need to be gentle with your toys" or " please put the toy back on the shelf." Put yourself in your child's shoes. How do you feel when some one's telling you "no" constantly and telling you you can't do anything. It would probably exasperate you as well. It's about giving kids opportunities to listen and do the right thing, instead of being scolded for doing the wrong thing all the time. Even if you do decide that "no" is a word you want to use, always back it up with something positive. "No, you can't do that, But you can do this instead."
With the work that I used to do and the atmosphere in the office I've learned the value of positivity. I used to work in a office that was mostly positive but there was still a decent amount of grumbling about customers, bills, the boss etc. I felt very drained after a day at work and wasn't always in the greatest mood when I got home. The negative things people say truly to affect you, whether you want them to or not.
The next place that I worked has an extremely positive atmosphere. There was very minimal grumbling and complaining. Instead, if there was a problem, we figured out how to deal with it. Compliments and encouraging words abounded. I was excited to go into the office and felt energized when I left! I felt like I could conquer the world and that I was capable of doing whatever I put my mind too. While I worked at this "positive office" (for lack of a better term) I also did a lot of reading on personal development and heard a number of speakers on the subject. I will never forget one phrase I learned "don't walk away from the negative people in your life. RUN from them!" We all have complainers in our circle of friends. These are the "woe is me" people. They are draining to be around and you feel worse after you see them than you did before your visit.
I am talking about this because that's exactly what constant NOs reflect to your children. What kind of difference would it make if that negative friend were to change her (or his) thinking from "I don't want to go to work because my boss doesn't appreciate me and always takes advantage of me" to something along the lines of "I'm really looking forward dealing with the customers and my co-workers at my work"? Do you think it might change her whole outlook on the day? (I say her because most of my friends are female so I think female when I think friend. I'm not talking about anyone in particular.)
Now put that same attitude towards out children. Do we want them to grow up with negativity all around them? Do we want to be that negative person that our children should "run away" from? Do we want them walk into the living room and see all the NOs they can't touch and start to feel down and limited in what they can do? Or do we want them to walk into the living room and say, "I know I can't play with that but I get to play with ALL THESE TOYS!!!!"
This was what took place at my breakfast table:
Caleb: signed Cheese
Mama: You can have peanut butter sandwich or your apple.
Caleb: signed cheese (quite frantically)
Mama: You can have peanut butter sandwich your apple.
Caleb: signed cheese
Mama: Sandwich or apple.
Caleb: chose neither. And didn't get cheese either.
I "won" that discussion and didn't have to say NO even once.
I have a corner with a table that has picture frames on it. Caleb is not allowed to touch them. He know this and I've never had to tell him NO. I tell him "this corner is not for Caleb." Or "these are mama's, you can play with your toys instead." Some things have to be repeated more often but Caleb is proof that you can have a NO-free household. (It's very cute because he actually points at the corner and shakes his head and then moves on to his toy box. Most of the time anyway, sometimes he needs a gentle reminder. The reminder consists of me saying sternly "Caleb" and he usually listens right away.)
Besides all of the positive encouragement that Caleb gets from this there is another wonderful benefit. He's nearly 2 and has never told me no either.
If you want more ideas here is a great article on 18 Ways to say NO Positively.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Mary Through the Eyes of aToddler
I have been having "one of those days" for the last two days. For some reason I woke up on Tuesday morning with my patience stretched very thin and it got worse as the day went on. To be honest, I have no idea why I was so stressed out. Sure I've got a Christmas to-do list, but nothing extraordinary. I guess you could just say that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Any mom will understand when I say that this attitude is contagious. Caleb felt that I was "cranky" and therefore was not his usual easy-going self. He started out just a touch more needy than usual which aggravated me even more which, of course, he picked up on and got more frustrated himself. It's a vicious cycle. One that I should have nipped in the bud. But I didn't. And despite Caleb's adorable attempts to cheer me up (by petting my head, kisses and hugs, and caressing my face) this nasty tension just wouldn't let up.
As Tuesday progressed, I got more and more tense and stressed over pretty much nothing. Anything was setting me off. Caleb wanted to feel more at ease and to do this he wanted to nurse more often. I just wanted him to leave me alone for a while. I also desperately wanted him to nap to give me some time to relax and gather my emotions. Why is it that when we need our children to nap they seem to get an extra burst of energy? Anyway, by the time Adam came in from milking I was nearly in tears (yet unable to cry for some reason). I made dinner while he showered and then Caleb nearly fell asleep in his booster seat so I nursed him (for like the umpteenth time that day) and he FINALLY fell asleep. This was great timing because Adam and I wanted to play our computer game.
Caleb woke up and I turned off my computer and asked Adam to do the same. He didn't which wouldn't have bothered me as much if I hadn't just had "one of those days." But it bothered me, I threw a fit and went to bed angry (despite Adam's apology). So this morning... another bad start. So poor Caleb and Adam had to deal with another day of Mama being on edge.
But miracle of miracles!!!!
Caleb napped today!!!
Only for an hour but he was very chipper when he woke up so I didn't try to put him back to sleep. During the time of his nap, instead of catching up on my to-do list, I was on the Internet. I read several blogs regularly and made the decision today to buy a couple books that one of the bloggers has authored. And her blog today was about shifting your attitude, something that would have helped a lot with my tension the last couple days! But better late than never right? Since he woke up, Caleb and I have colored (I'm not sure who enjoyed that more, me or him), done several puzzles, and read several books. It's been a much better afternoon than yesterday, for both of us.
So now I'm rambling off topic a bit. Back to the adorable topic at hand. I decided to "act out" the Christmas story with my little ceramic nativity scene for Caleb. He normally doesn't get to touch it so it was quite a treat for him to help me march them across the bench on their way to Bethlehem. He got very excited when the wise men came because they had shiny "hats" on their heads. He also really enjoyed the animals. My favorite part of the story was as the end. The book that I used as a guide talks about after the visitors left (not an easy tasks to take the shiny hat men away from Caleb), Mary held baby Jesus close and agreed with the angel that Jesus was a very special baby. There is a picture of this in the book. Caleb decided to imitate that picture with the ceramics. Baby Jesus was placed, manger and all, into Mary's lap.
I kept saying "that's baby Jesus" because I really enjoy seeing Caleb sign "baby" (it's one of his newer signs). He made Mary and Joseph "hug" and Joseph danced/wrestled with baby Jesus. It was neat to see Caleb's interpretation of how they must have interacted as a family. Pretty much the same way that Adam and Caleb and I do.
After playing with Mary and Joseph and Jesus, Caleb got it in his head that Jesus needed some milkies. Some of you who have ready early entries of my blog know where I'm going with this. I explained that Mary was Jesus' mama. So there went baby Jesus again, manger and all, to Mary's breast while Caleb made little "num num num" noises for Him. I have to say that was one of the sweetest sights ever!
Now I'll leave you with the same thought that I've had for the last few days. Breastfeeding is such an amazing and intimate time between a mother and her child. What must it have been like for Mary to nurse the Son of God?
As Tuesday progressed, I got more and more tense and stressed over pretty much nothing. Anything was setting me off. Caleb wanted to feel more at ease and to do this he wanted to nurse more often. I just wanted him to leave me alone for a while. I also desperately wanted him to nap to give me some time to relax and gather my emotions. Why is it that when we need our children to nap they seem to get an extra burst of energy? Anyway, by the time Adam came in from milking I was nearly in tears (yet unable to cry for some reason). I made dinner while he showered and then Caleb nearly fell asleep in his booster seat so I nursed him (for like the umpteenth time that day) and he FINALLY fell asleep. This was great timing because Adam and I wanted to play our computer game.
Caleb woke up and I turned off my computer and asked Adam to do the same. He didn't which wouldn't have bothered me as much if I hadn't just had "one of those days." But it bothered me, I threw a fit and went to bed angry (despite Adam's apology). So this morning... another bad start. So poor Caleb and Adam had to deal with another day of Mama being on edge.
But miracle of miracles!!!!
Caleb napped today!!!
Only for an hour but he was very chipper when he woke up so I didn't try to put him back to sleep. During the time of his nap, instead of catching up on my to-do list, I was on the Internet. I read several blogs regularly and made the decision today to buy a couple books that one of the bloggers has authored. And her blog today was about shifting your attitude, something that would have helped a lot with my tension the last couple days! But better late than never right? Since he woke up, Caleb and I have colored (I'm not sure who enjoyed that more, me or him), done several puzzles, and read several books. It's been a much better afternoon than yesterday, for both of us.
So now I'm rambling off topic a bit. Back to the adorable topic at hand. I decided to "act out" the Christmas story with my little ceramic nativity scene for Caleb. He normally doesn't get to touch it so it was quite a treat for him to help me march them across the bench on their way to Bethlehem. He got very excited when the wise men came because they had shiny "hats" on their heads. He also really enjoyed the animals. My favorite part of the story was as the end. The book that I used as a guide talks about after the visitors left (not an easy tasks to take the shiny hat men away from Caleb), Mary held baby Jesus close and agreed with the angel that Jesus was a very special baby. There is a picture of this in the book. Caleb decided to imitate that picture with the ceramics. Baby Jesus was placed, manger and all, into Mary's lap.
I kept saying "that's baby Jesus" because I really enjoy seeing Caleb sign "baby" (it's one of his newer signs). He made Mary and Joseph "hug" and Joseph danced/wrestled with baby Jesus. It was neat to see Caleb's interpretation of how they must have interacted as a family. Pretty much the same way that Adam and Caleb and I do.
After playing with Mary and Joseph and Jesus, Caleb got it in his head that Jesus needed some milkies. Some of you who have ready early entries of my blog know where I'm going with this. I explained that Mary was Jesus' mama. So there went baby Jesus again, manger and all, to Mary's breast while Caleb made little "num num num" noises for Him. I have to say that was one of the sweetest sights ever!
Now I'll leave you with the same thought that I've had for the last few days. Breastfeeding is such an amazing and intimate time between a mother and her child. What must it have been like for Mary to nurse the Son of God?
Monday, December 7, 2009
Throwing a Fit vs Communication
I've mentioned how Caleb is such an easy child to pretty much every one that I know. And I will mention it again for those of you who don't know. He's very laid back and doesn't really get into stuff he shouldn't be into. He's also perfectly content playing by himself for sometimes hours at a time. Every once in a while he comes to check up on me and pulls me to where he has been playing because he has something so exciting that he wants to share with me. He doesn't complain when it's bedtime, he doesn't fuss for more than a few minutes when we need to come inside, and he is all around just a very even tempered and easy going little boy.
Now that I've bragged about my amazing son (every mother is entitled to let others know how great her children are) I will let you know that he's not perfect. He is a toddler and toddlers aren't all that great at communicating their emotions. Caleb's current way of letting us know he's upset consists of laying down on his tummy and whining (sometimes very angry sounding whines). Adam has tried to call them "fits" or "temper tantrums." I, however, would like to give my son the benefit of the doubt. I call it "inability to communicate."
Here's what I think: Caleb doesn't talk. He feels emotions very strongly and they are all new to him. He doesn't understand my reasoning when I tell him he's not allowed to play with something. So it makes sense that he gets upset and doesn't know how to express his feelings. I think that looking at his behaviour in this way has taught me to deal with it a little differently than if I looked at it as a temper tantrum.
The first time Caleb laid himself on the floor when he was upset I sat down beside him and tried to explain what he was feeling. I did that because he didn't know how to explain it but when he starts talking he will have the words necessary to tell me instead of show men how he feels. I said something along the lines of "You're upset aren't you? You don't like that mommy took away your porch privileges" Then I went on to explain to him why I did that. "Mama has told you that the kitty dishes are off limits. They are not a toy." Sometimes if it's something dangerous then I tell him that and why it's dangerous. Then I try to build up his emotions again "Mama loves you, Caleb I love you. You're a wonderful boy. Would you like a hug?"
My theory is that I'm teaching him that it's okay to feel those emotions but there are better ways to deal with them. And once he makes the decision to get up off the floor, I'm waiting with open arms. Sometimes I rub his back, just to give him that human contact and remind him he's not alone. And sometimes he pushes my hand away at first, but he always accepts it after a little bit.
Another important thing that a lot of moms have found is to see when they start that behavior. It is usually at a time when they are either bored, hungry or tired. Eliminate those factors and you'll find that those times of difficult communication lessen drastically. Or at least they don't last as long.
I know that it will make a difference in the long term. I'm a firm believer in "train up a child in the way he should go." That and I believe that children are just that, children. They don't understand things the way that we do. We expect way to much of them a lot of times. They like to try things and explore reactions and don't mean any harm by it. Just like I mentioned with the water cooler, they see something that looks like fun and don't understand the consequences. Yes, even if you're told them 100 times, they don't always remember. Kind of like husbands who need to be nagged sometimes.... not that I ever nag of course.... ummm yeah....
So anyway, Caleb barely lays on the floor like that. He did it really bad a couple times but now he will just lay there and wait for me to sit by him. Then he holds up his hand for me to help him up and crawls into my arms. It's really cute actually. Yes, I give my son attention when he "throws a fit." He's learning that I am paying attention to him and that his feelings do matter.
Now that I've bragged about my amazing son (every mother is entitled to let others know how great her children are) I will let you know that he's not perfect. He is a toddler and toddlers aren't all that great at communicating their emotions. Caleb's current way of letting us know he's upset consists of laying down on his tummy and whining (sometimes very angry sounding whines). Adam has tried to call them "fits" or "temper tantrums." I, however, would like to give my son the benefit of the doubt. I call it "inability to communicate."
Here's what I think: Caleb doesn't talk. He feels emotions very strongly and they are all new to him. He doesn't understand my reasoning when I tell him he's not allowed to play with something. So it makes sense that he gets upset and doesn't know how to express his feelings. I think that looking at his behaviour in this way has taught me to deal with it a little differently than if I looked at it as a temper tantrum.
The first time Caleb laid himself on the floor when he was upset I sat down beside him and tried to explain what he was feeling. I did that because he didn't know how to explain it but when he starts talking he will have the words necessary to tell me instead of show men how he feels. I said something along the lines of "You're upset aren't you? You don't like that mommy took away your porch privileges" Then I went on to explain to him why I did that. "Mama has told you that the kitty dishes are off limits. They are not a toy." Sometimes if it's something dangerous then I tell him that and why it's dangerous. Then I try to build up his emotions again "Mama loves you, Caleb I love you. You're a wonderful boy. Would you like a hug?"
My theory is that I'm teaching him that it's okay to feel those emotions but there are better ways to deal with them. And once he makes the decision to get up off the floor, I'm waiting with open arms. Sometimes I rub his back, just to give him that human contact and remind him he's not alone. And sometimes he pushes my hand away at first, but he always accepts it after a little bit.
Another important thing that a lot of moms have found is to see when they start that behavior. It is usually at a time when they are either bored, hungry or tired. Eliminate those factors and you'll find that those times of difficult communication lessen drastically. Or at least they don't last as long.
I know that it will make a difference in the long term. I'm a firm believer in "train up a child in the way he should go." That and I believe that children are just that, children. They don't understand things the way that we do. We expect way to much of them a lot of times. They like to try things and explore reactions and don't mean any harm by it. Just like I mentioned with the water cooler, they see something that looks like fun and don't understand the consequences. Yes, even if you're told them 100 times, they don't always remember. Kind of like husbands who need to be nagged sometimes.... not that I ever nag of course.... ummm yeah....
So anyway, Caleb barely lays on the floor like that. He did it really bad a couple times but now he will just lay there and wait for me to sit by him. Then he holds up his hand for me to help him up and crawls into my arms. It's really cute actually. Yes, I give my son attention when he "throws a fit." He's learning that I am paying attention to him and that his feelings do matter.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The Value of Stewardship
I've had a hymn stuck in my head the last while. It comes on and off and has been circulating through my head for probably several months.
The hymn is "Living for Jesus" and it's by Thomas Chisholm.
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/l/i/livingfj.htm
There's a link to the tune/lyrics if you've never heard of it.
I think that it's been on the tip of my tongue lately is because living for Jesus is something that I really want to do and want to teach Caleb how to do.
I was just cleaning up my kitchen (and singing this song) and got to thinking about what kind of values I would like to instill into Caleb. The value I was thinking of tonight in particular is being a steward to the earth. As Christian we are called to take care of this Earth that God created for us. I look at my garbage can on a regular basis and can't help but think about this mandate. Is all that garbage really necessary? What is it doing to the environment? Is there a better way?
I do cloth diapers but the biggest reason I switched to cloth was so that Caleb would potty train earlier. The fact that they were cheaper and environmentally friendly were just bonuses. I recycle my bottles and cans because I get money back on them. Adam tells me that all of our garbage gets incinerated anyway so it's not a big deal. But it's still a little unsettling to go through a bag or two of garbage every week. And we've only got three people, I can't imagine how much garbage a bigger family goes through!
It's not as easy (in my mind anyway) for us to recycle paper and such. We don't have a blue box that we can set out on the curb every week. First off, I don't have space to put another bin for it and secondly, it's kind of a pain to drive it into town to dump it every time it's full (that sounds really lame even as I type it). I am going to take it one step at a time.
I have decided to start composting. I don't know a lot about it but I have a bowl that I have been putting leftovers and egg shells in. I am planning to make a composte pile in the old horse pasture next to our house and am hoping to till some of the pasture next spring to make a vegetable garden (another thing I want to teach my child(ren) but I have never done). Step 1 is to composte. Step 2 might be to find space for a paper recycling box. Step 3.... I'm not sure yet. I'm sure that there's much more that I could do to become more "green" but I haven't thought that far ahead.
I never thought that I would lean towards environmentalism. To be honest, the word always left kind of a bad taste in my mouth. Let's face it, I live in Oil Country, good ole Alberta! But the more I think about it, the more I want to instill in Caleb the fact that we have been charged with taking care of this world. It's a pretty high calling and if I want him to take God's word seriously then I should too, shouldn't I? Children learn best by example so I better learn to be a good example for Caleb. Any beliefs and values that I want Caleb to learn, I better live them too. Wow, I have a lot to learn if I want to teach Caleb to be the man of God that he's going to grow up into!
Stewardship, reading his Bible and praying everyday, how to treat his future spouse, attitude of gratitude, loving everyone (even if you don't like them), trusting God's providence, putting Christ on the throne of our heart (and keeping Him there), making disciples of all the nations..... I have a lot to learn! Praise the Lord that He gives us the opportunity to grow as our children grow and learn as our children learn. I used to look at all of this and get overwhelmed but have learned to be ever so grateful that I don't have to teach Caleb all of this alone!
The hymn is "Living for Jesus" and it's by Thomas Chisholm.
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/l/i/livingfj.htm
There's a link to the tune/lyrics if you've never heard of it.
I think that it's been on the tip of my tongue lately is because living for Jesus is something that I really want to do and want to teach Caleb how to do.
I was just cleaning up my kitchen (and singing this song) and got to thinking about what kind of values I would like to instill into Caleb. The value I was thinking of tonight in particular is being a steward to the earth. As Christian we are called to take care of this Earth that God created for us. I look at my garbage can on a regular basis and can't help but think about this mandate. Is all that garbage really necessary? What is it doing to the environment? Is there a better way?
I do cloth diapers but the biggest reason I switched to cloth was so that Caleb would potty train earlier. The fact that they were cheaper and environmentally friendly were just bonuses. I recycle my bottles and cans because I get money back on them. Adam tells me that all of our garbage gets incinerated anyway so it's not a big deal. But it's still a little unsettling to go through a bag or two of garbage every week. And we've only got three people, I can't imagine how much garbage a bigger family goes through!
It's not as easy (in my mind anyway) for us to recycle paper and such. We don't have a blue box that we can set out on the curb every week. First off, I don't have space to put another bin for it and secondly, it's kind of a pain to drive it into town to dump it every time it's full (that sounds really lame even as I type it). I am going to take it one step at a time.
I have decided to start composting. I don't know a lot about it but I have a bowl that I have been putting leftovers and egg shells in. I am planning to make a composte pile in the old horse pasture next to our house and am hoping to till some of the pasture next spring to make a vegetable garden (another thing I want to teach my child(ren) but I have never done). Step 1 is to composte. Step 2 might be to find space for a paper recycling box. Step 3.... I'm not sure yet. I'm sure that there's much more that I could do to become more "green" but I haven't thought that far ahead.
I never thought that I would lean towards environmentalism. To be honest, the word always left kind of a bad taste in my mouth. Let's face it, I live in Oil Country, good ole Alberta! But the more I think about it, the more I want to instill in Caleb the fact that we have been charged with taking care of this world. It's a pretty high calling and if I want him to take God's word seriously then I should too, shouldn't I? Children learn best by example so I better learn to be a good example for Caleb. Any beliefs and values that I want Caleb to learn, I better live them too. Wow, I have a lot to learn if I want to teach Caleb to be the man of God that he's going to grow up into!
Stewardship, reading his Bible and praying everyday, how to treat his future spouse, attitude of gratitude, loving everyone (even if you don't like them), trusting God's providence, putting Christ on the throne of our heart (and keeping Him there), making disciples of all the nations..... I have a lot to learn! Praise the Lord that He gives us the opportunity to grow as our children grow and learn as our children learn. I used to look at all of this and get overwhelmed but have learned to be ever so grateful that I don't have to teach Caleb all of this alone!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Finding Love in the Midst of a Flood
This is the continuation of my frustrations at the water cooler...
"Spare the rod and spoil the child."
(Proverbs 13:24 "He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently")
"Thy rod and staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4)
These are the two verses that came to the forefront of my mind in regard to discipline. I certainly don't hate my son and I want him to learn certain boundaries. Especially when there are negative consequences to not following those boundaries. But instead of the common thought that the first verse gives to people about harsh punishment with the rod, I try to remember it in the context of a shepherd. The Great Shepherd in this case. I read a book by Francine Rivers, The Prophet. It was about a shepherd and it really opened my eyes to the use of the shepherd's rod in regard to protecting and guiding his sheep. I can't help but think of the visuals that Rivers put in my mind through this book. How Jesus, as our Shepherd wants to protect us from dangers and uses the crook of his staff to pull us from danger. It was a comfort to Amos' sheep (in the book) to feel the rod pull them back to safety, sometimes more harshly that others. They knew that he would protect him.
That's the way that I want Caleb to feel about me. I want him to know that I set the limits so that he can be safe. I don't want him to respect me out of fear but out of love and a want to obey. As bad as it sounds, however, it's defiantly easier if he's afraid to touch the water cooler.
I know that the Bible also says not to put stumbling blocks in front of people that can cause them to sin. I finally figured out a way to keep Caleb from touching the water cooler! I accept the fact that he's just too young to understand the consequences of playing with the water cooler. Even with all the repetition he just doesn't get it. It's not a character flaw in him, he's not doing it to be bad. He's doing it because he loves to play with water (whether that be in the bathtub, a puddle, the sink while doing dishes, cat water dishes etc).
Solution: We turned the water cooler around into the corner. Yes, it's a complete pain to turn it back around every time that I want a glass of water. But I would rather take a bit more time to get a glass of water that put something in Caleb's way that tempts him to disobey a boundary I've set out. He was a little upset at first. He didn't understand why he couldn't find the taps. We'll see how it goes over the next few weeks and then try turning it around again. Maybe he will understand that he's not allowed to touch it or maybe he'll grow bored of it. Or maybe not. But it's much easier on all of us to just take the temptation away right now.
I probably could just watch him closely and keep repeating that he's not allowed to touch it. It's just not a big enough concern for me to do so (unlike when he was learning to stay on the lawn and not run onto the gravel). The biggest thing that I've learned about discipline from this is that when I run out of patience with Caleb, I need to take a step back and put myself in his position. I can't look at him as an adult that understands the logical explanation of all the reasons why he shouldn't do certain things. I shouldn't punish him for something that he just doesn't understand. It's not like he was hurting anyone or himself with this. He just wants to have some fun. I've found that going face to face with him and looking him directly in the eye, I see that he's not out to be malicious. Not that I really thought that, I just lost sight of the big picture because I was more focused on my frustration with the situation that I was on him and his needs.
Discipline is a time to reconnect with my son and learn how to understand him more. I've learned that he REALLY enjoys playing with water. This is a great tidbit of information because it means I have a way to occupy him throughout the winter. I can plop him in the tub, even if he doesn't need a bath, and give him some cups and containers. He could probably entertain himself for quite a while (with me sitting in the bathroom supervising of course, beauties of a laptop or a good book). I also know that he will be helping me often with washing dishes (the floor is lino and clothes can get chucked in the dryer). Mama just needed to relax and take advantage of this learning opportunity.
I feel way better about things now! And I'm sure that Caleb does too because now his mama is going to give him exactly what he wanted, except within the allowed boundaries of course.
"Spare the rod and spoil the child."
(Proverbs 13:24 "He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently")
"Thy rod and staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4)
These are the two verses that came to the forefront of my mind in regard to discipline. I certainly don't hate my son and I want him to learn certain boundaries. Especially when there are negative consequences to not following those boundaries. But instead of the common thought that the first verse gives to people about harsh punishment with the rod, I try to remember it in the context of a shepherd. The Great Shepherd in this case. I read a book by Francine Rivers, The Prophet. It was about a shepherd and it really opened my eyes to the use of the shepherd's rod in regard to protecting and guiding his sheep. I can't help but think of the visuals that Rivers put in my mind through this book. How Jesus, as our Shepherd wants to protect us from dangers and uses the crook of his staff to pull us from danger. It was a comfort to Amos' sheep (in the book) to feel the rod pull them back to safety, sometimes more harshly that others. They knew that he would protect him.
That's the way that I want Caleb to feel about me. I want him to know that I set the limits so that he can be safe. I don't want him to respect me out of fear but out of love and a want to obey. As bad as it sounds, however, it's defiantly easier if he's afraid to touch the water cooler.
I know that the Bible also says not to put stumbling blocks in front of people that can cause them to sin. I finally figured out a way to keep Caleb from touching the water cooler! I accept the fact that he's just too young to understand the consequences of playing with the water cooler. Even with all the repetition he just doesn't get it. It's not a character flaw in him, he's not doing it to be bad. He's doing it because he loves to play with water (whether that be in the bathtub, a puddle, the sink while doing dishes, cat water dishes etc).
Solution: We turned the water cooler around into the corner. Yes, it's a complete pain to turn it back around every time that I want a glass of water. But I would rather take a bit more time to get a glass of water that put something in Caleb's way that tempts him to disobey a boundary I've set out. He was a little upset at first. He didn't understand why he couldn't find the taps. We'll see how it goes over the next few weeks and then try turning it around again. Maybe he will understand that he's not allowed to touch it or maybe he'll grow bored of it. Or maybe not. But it's much easier on all of us to just take the temptation away right now.
I probably could just watch him closely and keep repeating that he's not allowed to touch it. It's just not a big enough concern for me to do so (unlike when he was learning to stay on the lawn and not run onto the gravel). The biggest thing that I've learned about discipline from this is that when I run out of patience with Caleb, I need to take a step back and put myself in his position. I can't look at him as an adult that understands the logical explanation of all the reasons why he shouldn't do certain things. I shouldn't punish him for something that he just doesn't understand. It's not like he was hurting anyone or himself with this. He just wants to have some fun. I've found that going face to face with him and looking him directly in the eye, I see that he's not out to be malicious. Not that I really thought that, I just lost sight of the big picture because I was more focused on my frustration with the situation that I was on him and his needs.
Discipline is a time to reconnect with my son and learn how to understand him more. I've learned that he REALLY enjoys playing with water. This is a great tidbit of information because it means I have a way to occupy him throughout the winter. I can plop him in the tub, even if he doesn't need a bath, and give him some cups and containers. He could probably entertain himself for quite a while (with me sitting in the bathroom supervising of course, beauties of a laptop or a good book). I also know that he will be helping me often with washing dishes (the floor is lino and clothes can get chucked in the dryer). Mama just needed to relax and take advantage of this learning opportunity.
I feel way better about things now! And I'm sure that Caleb does too because now his mama is going to give him exactly what he wanted, except within the allowed boundaries of course.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Up and Running
I've been thinking about starting a blog for quite some time now. I have been experimenting with an anonymous blog related to a mmorpg and decided that I quite enjoy being able to type a few words and letting my friends/guildies know what's been going on in my life. This blog is completely unrelated to mmorpgs though. I am, by nature, a very stubborn, opinionated person. I prefer to call myself determined and confident in what I believe. Here's a short summery of some of my beliefs:
- I believe that Jesus Christ came to Earth to die for our sins and after 3 days rose from the grave and ascended to Heaven. He did this to pave the Way so that we can be called God's children and spend eternity with Him
- I believe that breast is best for babies
- I believe in Attachment Parenting
- I believe that cloth diapers are amazing
- I believe that my calling in life to be a mama and wife
- I believe that there is a better way to parent than "baby trainers" have led us to believe
That's basically the jist of it. I am not sitting here pretending to be perfect in following every single one of those beliefs 100% of the time. But my goal with this blog is to get my thoughts on "paper" for several different reasons. The first is to stay accountable to my beliefs, the second is to learn more about how I can be the wife and mother according to the Word, and the third is to share this journey and these lessons with anyone willing to read them.
That's all for my intro post as my son has just woke up from his nap and my alone time behind the computer is officially over. I will introduce myself and family a little more in my next post.
- I believe that Jesus Christ came to Earth to die for our sins and after 3 days rose from the grave and ascended to Heaven. He did this to pave the Way so that we can be called God's children and spend eternity with Him
- I believe that breast is best for babies
- I believe in Attachment Parenting
- I believe that cloth diapers are amazing
- I believe that my calling in life to be a mama and wife
- I believe that there is a better way to parent than "baby trainers" have led us to believe
That's basically the jist of it. I am not sitting here pretending to be perfect in following every single one of those beliefs 100% of the time. But my goal with this blog is to get my thoughts on "paper" for several different reasons. The first is to stay accountable to my beliefs, the second is to learn more about how I can be the wife and mother according to the Word, and the third is to share this journey and these lessons with anyone willing to read them.
That's all for my intro post as my son has just woke up from his nap and my alone time behind the computer is officially over. I will introduce myself and family a little more in my next post.
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