It's Online!

The magazine that published my birth story is finally online. So for anyone who wants to read it, feel free to check it out.
Birth Issues Online: Rural Maternity Care

It's in PDF format and can take a while to load. My story is on page 38. Enjoy!

Baby News!

Just a quick note to those who haven't heard yet. I had the baby!
Isaac was born Dec 23rd at 12:51pm after about 3.5 hours of labour. He was born at home in a pool in my living room. Caught by my friend Megan while Caleb cheered in the background and Adam held me close. It was an amazing an beautiful labour and birth and I'm in the process of writing up my birth story and will post it as soon as it's done. Oh, he was 6lbs and 10oz and 20 inches long. Just 5oz smaller than his big brother. Caleb is so affectionate with his brother and Isaac is already turning into a little pork chop :)
I'm feeling really well except for the fact that I got a nasty 24hr flu bug yesterday. Caleb spend the day at my moms while I went between the couch and toilet with a newborn in one hand and a bucket in the other. So grateful for the wonderful support that I have around me. I can't thank my mom and Adam enough for taking care of me! I'm still a little nauseous today but compared to yesterday I'm feeling way better.
I don't have any pictures on my computer yet so I can't upload any of Isaac but I will post some with my birth story. But now Caleb has woke up from his ridiculously short nap so he's needing some extra hugs. He has come down with a nasty cold, the poor little guy. Thankfully he's the only one with the cold and he has avoided the flu bug.

A New Topic of Study

Ever since I had Caleb I've been interested in reading books, article, forums any anything else I can find of parenting and breastfeeding. Lately my interest has expanded. I am still reading on all of the above but I've also added reading and research on childbirth and pregnancy to the list. Mostly childbirth since pregnancy seems (to me) pretty straightforward.

I have read on VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean), effects of medication during labour, comparisons of hospital vs home vs unassisted childbirth and much more. And I currently have about 4 thick books sitting on my shelf just waiting for me to dive in! I have no idea how I manage to find time to read about this and can't manage to find time to vacuum or wash dishes lol! I suppose much of my study is done over the breakfast table and while Caleb plays outside (as he's doing right now actually, laptops are wonderful).

The book I'm currently reading is one that I would recommend to any mom giving birth, as well as her support person (often a husband but occasionally a mom friend or sister or mother etc). The only problem that I have found with this book is that my husband doesn't read. Unless it's a car magazine or a manual to some piece of farm machinery of course. So I suppose I have about 6 months to educate him on the whole process of labour and delivery. Yikes!

I'll give you a bit of a cliff notes version of some interesting things that I've learned so far from this book:
1. Amount of dilation is the least reliable indicator of where you are in labour! The reason for this is because you can be at 3 cm for 12 hours and then all of the sudden shoot to 10 cm within a couple hours. Or go to 8 cm within 2 hours and then spend the next 10 hours going from 8 to 10cm. Better indicators include emotional signposts and how far apart and how long the contraction are.

2. There are four different ways to enter the pushing stage (I won't go into detail, if you're interested feel free to look it up yourself, very interesting): a) all the way dilated and an urge to push (this is pretty much the only stage the Drs believe exists, or at least the only "right" stage); b) Hoquet Reflex; All the way dilated with or without and urge to push; c) All the way dilated with no urge to push (this was me! and though Drs think this isn't okay, it totally is); d) Not all the way dilated with a strong urge to push.

3. Protein is really good during pregnancy: it is the key to steady energy and it helps you keep your mood stable (anything to help avoid mood swings is a good thing right?)

4. The use of aspirin has been shown to prolong pregnancy.

Those are just a few of the great tidbits I've been reading about. I can't wait to finish this book and start reading all the other books that I've borrowed. I could probably spend a whole bunch of money on books on childbirth. I am resigned to spending this money instead on buying newborn diapers.... which can also be a very addicting habit!
Anyway, here's a link if you're interested in more information in the book. I just realized I haven't even mentioned the title yet! So here it is: Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, by Susan McCutcheon. Dr. Bradley has also written a book himself called Husband Coached Childbirth but to be honest, I probably won't read it. Because that would mean I'd have to read it out loud to my husband. Not really at the top of my list of things to do :)

So that's some of what's been on my mind lately and I just thought I would share. To those readers who didn't know yet that I was pregnant, well I am. We haven't been "shouting it from the rooftops" because we have been a little gun shy due to a couple of miscarriages. But I'm currently 15 weeks and due around Christmas. It's still a little surreal to us, but then it was the same with Caleb. We are very excited as we've been waiting for and wanting another baby for a long time. And Caleb is excited too. Even though he doesn't really understand there is a baby growing in mommy's tummy yet. He thinks it's growing in his knees..... don't ask, long story!

Flashback to my Cesarean

So last night I had a strange dream. And stranger still, it was one of those dreams that you remember with such clarity that you wonder if it was really a dream at all. In this dream I went to the RD Regional Hospital "Birth Office" (that's how I knew it was a dream because I'm pretty sure that office doesn't actually exist). I sat down with the lady for an "interview" of sorts about my birth experience with the hospital.

What I told her (in my dream) went something like this:
"I was very disappointed with my birth experience with this hospital. I ended up with an unnecessary c-section. Truly. Even my doctor couldn't give me a good reason as to why I had it. My son was in the perfect position, wasn't overly large (6lbs 15oz to be precise), wasn't stuck, wasn't in distress. He just wasn't ready. I didn't appreciate having 10 people in the room trying to "diagnose" me. I didn't need to be diagnosed, I needed to be left alone so I could deliver my son. I didn't appreciate that the one nurse that understood had to leave because her shift was over. I hated being tied to that stupid fetal monitor in the most uncomfortable position. I didn't appreciate being "on the clock" while I was in labour. Apparently it was more important how long I was in the hospital and how long I was 10cm dilated than it was how comfortable I was or how I was feeling. I didn't like that you guys stuck me up to an IV for no good reason the whole time that I was in labour and "forgot" to take it out after I had my son. I hate that my birthing experience with my son was a medical procedure that was being done to me, instead of the natural, empowering journey that it should have been.
Did you know that your hospital had one of the highest c-section rates out of all the hospitals in the province? (Note: not sure if that's entirely true, I know theirs is higher than average but don't actually know where it stands in relation to the rest of the province) I am not satisfied with my birth experience in this hospital and I will recommend to all my friend to avoid giving birth here."

It may have gone on further but this is when I woke up (at 20 to 5am!). I started mulling over this dream and reviewing my birth experience (again) to see if there was anything I missed. I could have said so much more in this "interview." Like how I felt so out of control and that it wasn't fair that no one asked me what I wanted. I was never asked if I wanted the surgery. (I told them "I want it out" and they took that to mean surgery. I meant that I just wanted something to help move it along) Like the fact that despite my son having 9 and 9.5 on his two apgars (10 is perfect but nearly unheard of, so I've been told) they still felt the need to hold him in the neonatal nursery for an hour. The nurse there also felt the need to give him a bottle of formula, despite my instructions that he was not to receive any (my husband stopped her, thankfully). Or what about the fact that I got to see my son, hanging upside down, for about 2 seconds before he was whisked away to be weighed and wrapped all up. I got to touch his cheek, that's all. Or the fact that they pumped me so full of painkillers that I could hardly see straight. Or maybe I could have brought up the fact that the nurses (most of them anyway) wanted nothing more than to separate me from my baby during my whole hospital stay. They would come in and ask if they could take him so I could "get some sleep," or "eat my food" or just generally "have a break." (I only had him for about 2 hours before they thought I might need a break from motherhood!) And whenever they came in to check on him, they would swaddle him and put him into his bassinet. I kept having to unswaddle and pull him into bed so we could snuggle and breastfeed and have skin-to-skin time.

That was my introduction into motherhood. I came home and realized that I loved my son but didn't feel like a mother. Looking back, with the way that I was treated as a medical condition, it's not really a surprise. I felt like I had been through surgery and a hospital stay. I didn't feel like I had gone and had a baby. That part of the experience was very surreal to me and took a long time for me to accept. I asked my doctor at my two week check-up why I had the surgery. He hemmed and hawed for a bit and said "well maybe your pelvis was too small." Did I mention my son was only 6lbs 15oz? (And nearly a pound of that was water weight that he lost in the next day or two). The c-section was out of convenience. It was Sunday afternoon, I had been 10cm dilated since noon. It was 3pm and everyone just wanted me to be done so they could go home. Did you know that most "emergency" c-sections take place on the weekends and holidays? Coincidence?

I have always said the the only reason Caleb didn't come down (he never really dropped, even when I was 10cm) was because he just wasn't ready. It occurred to me this morning that this thought isn't entirely accurate. I think that the reason he didn't come was because I wasn't ready. I just remembered that he shifted at one point and I kind of panicked. I asked if he was coming and what should I do. Nobody told me to relax and that everything would be alright. I tensed up and probably prevented him from moving any further. I was afraid. Being in labour is a time when you really need to focus and connect with your "inner self" (for lack of a better term). If you don't know how to do that and don't have anyone guiding you to that place then It's going to be extremely difficult to deliver your child.

I'm glad that I have been able to learn so much from my experience with Caleb. I'm glad that I forced myself to bond with him, it would have been so easy to stay away and be only half the mother to him that I am now. Here's a few other things that I've learned about labour and delivery in a hospital, things I wish I knew then:
They time you: from the moment you check in you're on the clock. If you're not dilating as fast as they would like they assume something is wrong and (try to) medically intervene.
Fully dilated doesn't mean you have to push: I got to 10cm and they told me to push, so I did. But I never actually had the urge to bear down. Push when you feel the urge and ignore the "coaching" that doctors and nurses give you.
You have 3 hours: from the time that you at 10cm and pushing (which don't always happen at the same time, much to the doctors' dismay, hence the coaching) you only have 3 hours to push your baby out before you are considered "failure to progress" and they assume they need to take medical action.
Your birth plan doesn't mean jack: you can't just write a nice birth plan with your wishes and expect it to be followed. You (or more likely your labour support) will have to be proactive in making sure that you are being heard.
You can always say NO: you can say NO to any intervention they throw your way. You can say NO to the scare tactics they use (I was told "you could push for another 12 hours, this baby's not budging") and you can say NO to having a hundred people in your labour room "observing you" like you're some sort of animal in a zoo.

So my advice to expectant moms is to either avoid the hospital scene altogether by getting a midwife or having an unassisted homebirth, or to get a doula or a "been there done that mom" friend whose views on birth are similar to yours. Someone you trust will stand up for you in the midst of the chaos of the medical system. And if you do have an "unnecesaren" or any kind of traumatic birth experience (read as: bad feelings associated with your birth experience) then talk to someone. Get into a support group or find another mom who has been there and worked through it. And of course, pray pray pray about it. God is an amazing Healer and He won't tell you it's silly to feel the way you do. It's not just about having a healthy baby (although that is important and a great blessing) it's also about having a healthy, happy mama.