Hormones and "Losing it"

So last night I woke up thinking that maybe, just MAYBE, my hormones are getting back to normal. I went through my life and this was about the train of my thoughts: I'm not on antidepressants anymore, that's good.
I'm not on birth control (and don't ever want to go back on the pill!).
I'm not lactating any more (though we're still nursing)...
Yup, I think my hormones are finally getting a chance to get straightened out!
*ponder*
*ponder*
CRAP! I'm pregnant! So much for that theory!!!

It's kind of silly that I was up at 3:30am to go pee (because I'm pregnant and all midnight trips to the bathroom have become routine) and I'm laying there nearly halfway through my pregnancy thinking that I'm finally able to get my hormones back into shape. Isn't being a woman lovely? Especially a woman of childbearing age! I had to have a giggle to myself about my lack of mental capabilities.

So speaking of hormones, mine are still totally out of wack. Not as bad as they were in the first trimester (i.e. I'm not nauseous all morning anymore) but they are still playing a wonderfully annoying role in my life. For example, Caleb is (I don't want to say it for fear of jinxing it!) mostly potty trained. For a long time we just did a bare bum around the house (I have mostly lino so accidents were easy to clean up) so he got used to a certain way of sitting on the potty. Now that he's graduated to underwear and pants/shorts potty time requires a few very distinct steps. The first being my requirement: tuck and hold your knees together. The second is Caleb's: pants and underwear compeltely off. Now this isn't normally a big deal because they usually just fall off when his little legs are dangling off the potty. A few weeks ago though he was wearing sweatpants with the elastic around the ankles. This means his pants did NOT fall off. Apparently this was te biggest deal in the world (at least to him). I, on the other hand, thought he should just suck it up. He kicked and screamed and I finally tore his pants off, threw them at the wall and said (not so kindly and quite loudly), "There, are you happy now?" and walked out of the room....
So apparently my hormones are still playing a role in my parenting! The worst part was that this blow out could have totally been prevented! It was Caleb's naptime (the plan was to pee and nap) so that moved him into the red zone. Since it was Caleb's naptime, that means it was also probably time for me to have a nap as well (red zone for me). Then add in the fact that I knew he wouldn't like having his pants on and I left them on anyway (strike against me) and the fact that sometimes my hormones just get the better of me (another strike against me). So if you count it up, that's one strike agains Caleb, three against me. As mad as I was at him, it wasn't really his fault. He's two for pete's sake. I'm the adult and should have stayed calm. But I didn't. So he peeed (is that how you spell it?) and then I had to apologize to him and show him I loved him. We sat on the couch and he had some milkies and we both had a nice nap. Although I would like to point out that he did mention to me that I shouldn't throw things.

Would you like another example? He was playing with a piece of our windowsill and I told him not too. He pulled his arm back, I told him throwing is not allowed. He threw it anyway. It wacked me right in the nose. I thought for a bit that he broke my nose because all of the sudden I couldn't see straight. Partially due to the blinding pain and partially due to the anger. I yelled at him not to throw things (I try to control my voice level but it's hard sometimes) and picked him up and gently set him in the corner of the couch.... okay, maybe not so gently. And I'm really grateful that he missed getting wacked into the bookshelf as I had him in my arms and turned toward the couch (I didn't see it, I was partially blind remember?). So he's sitting in the couch and I wanted to walk away. I figured though if he could see my emotions (the one of pain) that he might understand that he hurt mommy. So I chose to sit on the (far) opposite end of the couch. I REALLY didn't want to be near him at that point.
I discovered my nose wasn't broken, just bleeding and VERY bruised. Through his own tears he saw mommy crying and saw me bleeding and, after about 5-10 minutes, came over to apologize and give me a hug. I wasn't ready for his hug (still angry) but what could I do when my little toddler comes over saying "tyorry mommy, owie mommy, no throw, tyorry" with his arms open wide? So him and I had a good chat about throwing things. I also had to tell him he couldn't kiss mommy better because it was owie to touch. And the mark on my nose was handy because he would look at it for the next several days and remember what throwing does.
While this was going on, my potatoes boiled over and my meat burned. But Caleb and I were able to have a good heart to heart. Food is replacable, life lessons are not. As much as I wanted to walk away from him because I was so angry, I'm glad that I didn't. Sometimes it's good to show your children emotions (though like I said I'm still working on the raising my voice thing) so that they can learn mommy and daddy have feelings too.
The first incident was totally my hormones. I was thinking the whole time that this is ridiculous and why am I flipping out? The second incident came to be because I was cooking supper and Caleb was hungry and needed my attention. Who knew you could get so angry at and exasperated with such an adorable little being? It's amazing what will happen when both you and your child are both in the "red zone." So why am I telling you all this? First of all, this blog entry made a lot more sense when I wrote it in my head at 3:30am (it had a much better conclusion, but I can't remember it). Second, because sometimes it's good for parents to know that we're not the only ones that get angry and "lose it." There's a line by Julie Andrews in Princess Diaries 2. She plays Queen Clarice and is talking to her granddaughter (Anne Hatheway - Princess Mia) who has a tedancy to get into questionable situations. The line goes like this "As royalty we are held to higher standards. People look up to us. We can't afford to 'lose it.' Other people 'lose it,' we're supposed to find it."
I love that line! (And yes, I have nearly all that movie memorized.) It can apply to parenting too. Our little people look up to us. We need to show them how to deal properly with our emotions so that they can learn to deal with theres. Does this mean we're always going to get it right? Apsolutely not. Does that make you a bad parent? Absolutely not. Good parents fly off the handle sometimes. But a good parent understands that sometimes circumstances led up to a point and we can't blame the children for that (usually involves being tired, hungry, bored/lonely). Other times we can realize that we messed up and in that case, we MUST apologize to our children. It's only fair to treat them with the respect they deserve. Especially if you want them to treat you with the respect you deserve.
So take the time to sit and read a book with them. Or drive the train around the train track 100 times. And make sure that they get the (healthy) food and sleep they need. It will save you a lot of problems. And if you're in the wrong, own up to it. It makes it a lot easier for them to do so as they get older.

The Significance of Feeding

I have so many friends and acquaintances who are at the point that their loved ones want to feed their babies. These are babies that are anywhere from 100% breastfed (no bottles) to ones who are supplemented with either breastmilk or formula, to babies who are 100% formula fed. It's the same dilemma with each one. Loving friends and family always want to help feed the baby.

By looking at nature's way of feeding a baby, we can easily observe that feeding is meant to be an intimate time between a mother and her child. Baby snuggles close and can inhale the scent of mama, feel the warmth her skin against him, look into her eyes and see her looking back at him with that special "look" that is reserved for just this particular mother-child relationship. When you closely watch a mother nurse her baby you can see both of them relax and go into another world. A world in which mother knows that she is the one who is in charge of nourishing this child. She is the one who will have to, and is willing to, make the sacrifices it takes to protect this baby and teach him everything he needs to know to grow and thrive in this world we live in. A world in which baby knows he is safe, protected, and, most importantly, unconditionally loved.

It's no wonder that everyone around this baby wants to take part in that special time.

Soon after baby is born loved ones all around will begin asking if they can give the baby his bottle. Shortly thereafter comes the pressure to introduce solids. Then our world's infatuation with junk food comes into play (and never leaves).

For example, at one month old I decided to try Caleb on a bottle of expressed breastmilk. I stood in the other room while Adam fed Caleb the bottle. Afterwards I asked Adam how he felt about being able to feed Caleb. His answer completely shocked me. He told me that it was okay but he didn't feel that it was his place to fill that need at that particular time. He said something along the lines of "I love to see you feed him. That's your special time with him. It just doesn't feel right when I do it."

I wish more people had that attitude. This is not to say that Caleb has never "nursed" down with a bottle in anyone else's arms (my mom can attest to that). This is not to say that letting other people feed your baby is bad mothering. I just mean that I wish more people understood that a mother is entitled to share that special bond with her child. With no interference or outside pressure to "spread the love" (for lack of a better phrase). Some fathers I know felt that the only way they could connect with their baby was to give them a bottle. I'm very tempted to say that this is a bad attitude on their part. I won't say that though because that's not really true. I think that these fathers saw the closeness that their wife and baby have and are just looking for a way to bond. I will say, however, that there are many other ways for a father to bond that don't interrupt this particular way of bonding between mom and baby. (Perhaps I will be able to convince my husband to help me write about his experience at some point in the future.)

I wish that I had some really great advice about how to deal with these well-meaning loved ones. I like to find solutions to problems. But everyone is different and every one's situation in different. I just told people that Caleb didn't take a bottle (he sucked on it fine, I just chose not to give him one very often). As he got older and finally started eating solids (he wasn't really interesting till around his first birthday but that's a whole other story) I told people that he was very particular. So they just asked me what he could and couldn't eat (perhaps they thought it was allergies). Some people thought it was just that "new mom's syndrome" (you know, the one where a new mom is wanting to do everything perfectly to the letter for her child). In reality it was a very conscious choice that my husband and I made.

From mom to mom, I just want to encourage you to cherish that special time of feeding your baby. You are entitled to take your baby out of someone's arms to feed him. It's your right. There is a biological response if you know that your child is hungry to want to fill that need. It is your right, it is your duty, it is your privilege. No matter what you're feeding him (or her of course) you are entitled to that special privilege as a mother. You are entitled to feel that special closeness. And no, you don't need to share.

I'm on a Veggie Strike Mom!

For the last two months Caleb has been on a veggie strike. He refuses to eat them. He had never been picky at all until a couple of months ago. He actually loved to eat his vegetables (especially peas). Then one day he decided that they were no good. I tried to prepare them in different ways and offer him different types, but he always picked around them. I'm not sure why he decided that vegetables are no good but that is exactly what he has done.

There was one day, after about a month into this strike, that he ate about a cup of cooked baby carrots. He just kept shoving them into his mouth like they were going out of style. I thought to myself "hallelujah, the strike is over!" But I rejoiced too soon. The next day he refused them. I watched an episode of "The Doctors" a while back in which this kid refused to eat at all during dinner time. They pretty much just ignored him and he felt left out and started eating. We tried that. It didn't work. Caleb just sat in his chair and made a big mess. He picked around the veggies and ate everything else. Every other food group was fine. Isn't it amazing that a kid can see a new food and know instantly which food group it falls into?

I know that I'm not the only one going through this with my little man. I think that nearly everyone has heard the old adage of kids hating broccoli. So I gave Caleb extra fruits and I made sure to eat my own share of vegetables. Another benefit of nursing my toddler is that as he goes through these picky phases I can rest assured that he is still getting the nutrients he needs through me.

I have been a little sneaky though. I started making fruit smoothies and adding cauliflower and carrots into it. I made pasta and coated it with tomato and lentil pasta sauce (don't tell Adam that he ate lentils and actually liked them though). But other than that, not one kind of vegetable has passed those adorable little lips that have taken the role of a picket line for the last two months.

Last week I made grilled cheese and vegetable soup. I dipped my bread in it and Caleb copied. He also grabbed his spoon and ate some of the veggies in it. He doesn't normally like soup but I think the grilled cheese made it more fun. On Saturday he grabbed a piece of raw cauliflower and dipped it in my veggie dip (I have never given him dip before) and he put it in his mouth before I could grab it from him. He then did the same with a piece of raw broccoli. On Sunday he had rice with peas and corn mixed in. Normally he would have picked around the peas and corn but he actually ate some. Last night I gave him something similar and he ate a VERY small amount of it. I'm hoping this is the end of the strike.

Things I've learned from this:
1. Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing for children learning what they like to eat and don't like.
2. Ignoring a child at the supper table makes a mess but allows them to explore their food without someone constantly looking over their shoulder.
3. Keep trying because "this too shall pass."
4. Kids are very observant and will want to copy you with everything you eat. They can tell the difference between a cookie and a whole wheat cracker. (I try to only eat junk food if he is asleep, so I'm typing this with a bowl of chips beside me)
5. It's okay to be sneaky for the benefit of your family.
6. I'm glad that Adam is willing to eat healthy for the sake of Caleb. We rarely have junk food in the house and he (usually) doesn't complain.