Where to Find Me

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A Confession

I have seriously neglected my blog. My apologies to those of you who enjoy reading it and have missed my posts.

A quick update: We're still farming and it's a lot of work but it's a great lifestyle. My business of sewing ring slings and various other baby related goods is taking off and I love having a creative outlet. Caleb is the most amazing 3 year old I could ever ask for and constantly keeps us entertained with his interesting use/timing of the question "why." Isaac is nearly 9 months old and makes the funniest yucky faces when I try to feed him anything other than breastmilk. He will sometimes feed himself a piece or two of puffed wheat but he's made it very clear that he's not ready for solids yet. He is ridiculously funny with the noises he makes and the reactions he has to certain situations.

Here is my confession:
For some reason this is very tough for me to say. I understand that I'm not to blame or anything but I still feel like I should be able to handle it:

Isaac is a high needs baby.

I used to think that Caleb maybe showed signs of being high need but read that if you're unsure as to whether your baby is "high need" or not, he probably isn't. With Isaac I am sure. I've been in denial for a long time about it (which really has not helped at all) but I'm (sort of) ready to admit it now. If you want more information on what exactly a high need baby is, Dr. Sears has a great article entitled: 12 Features of a High Need Baby
After I had Caleb I tried to stop judging other mothers by the behaviour of their children. I won't say that I never judged but I always tried to remind myself that I didn't know the mother or her situation or the baby's personality. I hope that other mothers I meet will now will extend me the same courtesy.

When you see me bouncing my baby in the sling during the church service, it's because nearly constant motion is one of his needs.
When you wonder why he has never had a bottle, it is because exclusively breastfeeding is one of his needs.
If you wonder why I pick him up the instant he even shows the slightest signs of fussing while playing on his own, it is because his slight fussing quickly escalates into full out screaming unless I meet his need.
If you are disappointed if I take him out of your arms when he starts making a certain noise, I'm sorry you didn't get to hold my cutie-pie as long as you would have liked, but I want to avoid the potential meltdown that he is setting himself up for.
If you are waiting for an invitation to visit or have a play date, I have not forgotten about you. Most days I'm so distracted by the things I actually remember and am able to find time to do that I think about calling you late a night or right when I'm about to start cooking supper. My house does not have a lot of phone call friendly moments. Plus there is the fact that I would rather stay home most days because it's much simpler for Isaac to get the combination of rest and stimulation he needs.
If I look like I haven't showered for a week, I probably haven't. It's not because I don't care about my appearance, It's most likely that I have forgotton. I think that most moms with little ones underfoot can relate to that. I also have the added bonus of knowing that most evenings Isaac is at his wits end so I know he will need me the whole time I'm in the shower so I choose the keep him content because I can always shower another time.

I tell you all of this because I want to make people aware of what my life (and that of any parent with a high need baby) is like. It's hard. I won't beat around the bush with saying it's not. Isaac is nearly 9 months old and we're still getting to know him. Just when I feel like we are starting to get things figured out, he changes. It helps a lot with accepting him for who he is by realizing that it's just his personality. It's not because I "spoil" him by carrying him to much or nursing on cue. I'm not overreacting when I respond to the first sign of him fussing.

Let me tell you some amazing things about my littlest one. Partially for you to see that I truly do love him like no other and partially for my own bebefit as we've added teething and a cold to our dealings with him.

I know that all moms think their kids are the cutest ever but Isaac is stinkin' adorable. He's got the perfect haistyle. Looks like a little buzz cut and it has the slightest tinge of red in it. His eyes really betray his emotions. Super bright when he's studying something and quick to tears when he's upset. When he laughs you know that it's coming from the deepest part of who he is and it ripples through his whole little body. He has the greatest thunder thighs and ghetto booty ever. If you've seen it you know exactly what I'm talking about. He has the softest, most perfect, pudgy baby feet and he knows how to use them. I'm not talking walking (though he's quickly learning that skill) but I'm talking about grabbing. He was probably about 3 months old when he learned that his toes can grab things.
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I wrote this post about 2 months ago and never got around to finishing it. I decided to post this "as is" and finish up telling you how incredible Isaac is in my next post. For now, to those parents of HN babies: time is a wonderful thing!

The Exact Birth I Needed

Due to the fact that some people have been having difficulties opening up the large PDF file for the Birth Issues Magazine, I copied and pasted it directly into my blog. I haven't proofread to make sure it's all proper but I tried to put the paragraph breaks in the right spots. I also noticed that sometimes a double "ff" would turn into a symbol. I think I changed them all. Hope that you enjoy reading this!!

Setting the Scene:

I had a c-section with my first son in April 2008 in the Red
Deer Regional Hospital. I had a really great doctor with a
“low section rate” but still ended up with a pointless surgery.
After three hours of pushing the doctors decided that I
could push for twelve hours and not get anywhere so a
c-section was the only way this baby was going to come
out. I asked my doctor the reason for the surgery and he
hemmed and hawed for a few minutes before he made
up some excuse about my pelvis being too small. I never
actually had the urge to push and was not allowed to get o"
the bed or move into any position to move the baby down
into a position conducive to creating that urge.

I found out I was pregnant again the day of my son’s second
birthday. I knew that this time was going to be di"erent. I
contacted a midwife right away and decided that travelling
one and a half hours to Edmonton to give birth with a
midwife was better than having a traditional doctor again.
But every time I thought about the birth I knew I wanted a home
water birth. Midwives don’t travel to my house. The fact that the
government funds midwives is a mixed blessing because not
only is it extremely tough to find an available midwife, they have
to follow all the government regulations (which recommends
midwives to be within half an hour from a hospital with c-section
capabilities for vaginal births after a cesarean home births). In our
case, that meant registered midwives would never dare attend our
births and risk their careers.

After a lot of prayer and research, Adam and I decided that we
were going to have our baby at home anyway. An unassisted home
birth was not our first choice but we felt that it was the only way to
get the birth experience that we wanted. We searched my whole
pregnancy for another way (asking our current midwife to travel,
trying to get a more local midwife to travel, trying to visualize a
hotel birth, etc) but couldn’t find one. The only way we managed
to keep our midwife for the prenatal care was because we told her
we would keep the hotel birth option open. We trusted that the
Lord would lead us when the time came as to what option to take.
We also did a lot of research on the internet as well as reading
many books on pregnancy, birth and unassisted childbirth. I even
talked to a couple friends who had unassisted births themselves.

Before:

I had been ready to have the baby since about 36 weeks. I kept
thinking, “Maybe today is the day!” Alas, the day just never came.
My friend, who knew our plans and who we invited to the birth,came over with her kids on Wednesday December 22nd and we
decided that it was going to be a Christmas baby after all. It would
have been quite fun considering her oldest son is a Christmas baby
as well. That night I had a couple of interesting dreams and awoke
at about 3am to pee and noticed that what I though was a Braxton
Hicks contraction was pushing down on my full bladder causing
some pain. The same thing happened at 8:11am. I decided that
since I was up I might as well get some reading in.

As I sat on the couch reading my book I noticed that I was getting
contractions every five minutes. I still sort of thought they were
Braxton Hicks but they started to feel a little di"erent. My husband
Adam came in from morning chores after I had been up for about
twenty minutes and I told him, “I think today could be the day!” He
basically said, “That’s nice” and went to the o!ce. He wasn’t being
inconsiderate. He just truly didn’t think it would progress into
anything (it hadn’t the previous few times).
I told myself to wait until 9am to call my friend. It got really
difficult to wait and I picked up my phone to call her after every
single contraction. Finally 9am rolled around with only 10-12
contractions by this point but I called her anyway. She asked me
if I really thought this was it. I told her I thought so, and that I was,
“Kind of freaking out!” She said she’d be right over. While I waited,
I paced. I couldn’t sit still for the life of me.
Around 9:30am I started to call out for Adam to come help me
cope with the contractions. He was still on the computer and
said he’d come when he was finished. Again, he wasn’t being inconsiderate; he just truly didn’t know that I was actually in labour
at that point. I needed him to a) hold me through contractions,
b) make some breakfast and c) clean the toilet. He laughs at how
important it was to me for him to clean the toilet. “How does that
help your labour?” he asked. I told him, “It just does!” If I was going
to be labouring on the toilet, it better be clean.

Then Adam got a phone call from my dad who needed him to
help with something on the farm. I was extremely reluctant to let
him go as my contractions were less than 5 minutes apart. That’s
when my friend arrived! It was just before 10am and she came
equipped with mu!ns, quiche, a birthing book (on the Bradley
Method), and a book of verses and inspirational quotes that
several of my friends wrote in at my “Mother’s Blessing.”

During:

At 10am I was forcing myself to eat some eggs and toast. Adam
headed out after breakfast and my friend ran the bath for me. My
main concern at that point was that I didn’t want to waste all the
hot water because we planned to fill the birthing pool later. She
assured me it would be fine. As I was in the tub she set my son
Caleb up with a movie. She sat with me while I laboured in the tub.
The contractions were starting to get intense now. I said at one
point, “That was really tough.” My friend replied, “You never have
to deal with that contraction again. It’s gone.” I kept thinking,
“Down and crown, down and crown.” I had been chanting this
motto for weeks. Maybe it’s because I knew talking to my baby
would help him move quickly and maybe because my first never
moved into the birth canal so I was preparing myself that this
time would be di"erent. I was so relieved when Adam came back
inside the house at about 11am. Apparently he walked in the front
door and asked our friend, “So, this is really it?” And she said this
definitely was it.

I had to pee at this point so I got out of the tub and laboured on
the toilet for a while. Somewhere in there Adam managed to
call the midwife. When Adam called our midwife she asked if we
were planning to come up to Edmonton. At this point I was nearly
pushing and he let her know that there was no way that we were
going to make it up. Our midwife said they would start the
drive down.

I got really nauseous and, right before I threw up a couple times,
I told Adam that I was scared. I was thinking, “Why do women do
this?” My friend and I both realized that this was that infamous
moment of self doubt that women get to when they are nearly
finished the labour marathon. I thought it was wishful thinking
considering I’d only really been labouring for a couple hours. My
friend, on the other hand, was smart enough to tell Adam that
they needed to get me into the pool. Right after I threw up I had
a couple of pushing contractions on the toilet before they helped
me get into the pool.

About 12:10pm Adam managed another phone call to our
midwife. I heard him say, “Sure I’ll call you back when she’s
pushing.” I’m in the pool thinking, “I’m already pushing!” It’s
amazing how clearly I remember it all. I think part of it is that I was
well rested from a good night’s sleep and the other part was that
I was labouring exactly how I had imagined it in my mind since I
had my first son. Caleb, my son, was giving me water to drink in
between contractions. Adam was applying pressure to my back.
When Adam was on the phone (or changing out of his stinky farm
clothes) then our friend stepped right in and filled his spot.
I have to make a side-note about Caleb. He was two years and
eight months old at the birth and he is a very empathetic little
boy. He hates to see anyone, especially his mommy, hurt. We had
talked about the birth and read books and watched birth videos
but I was still a little concerned about how he would handle his
mama being in pain. He really surprised us as he took it all in
stride. He knew exactly what was happening and didn’t
question anything.

It was 12:22pm when I felt my water break and mentioned it to my
husband and friend. There was another phone call to the midwife
and she told Adam to try to get me out of the pool to lie on my
side (and perhaps slow things down for her to arrive). I told Adam
there was no way that was happening because the baby was
already crowning. I remember my friend being in the kitchen and I
asked if she was going to come catch my baby and, the next thing
I knew, she was right behind me ready to go.

Adam reached down to feel the baby’s head (something that he
was very adamant about not wanting to do, until the moment
actually came). He said, “I feel the baby’s hair!” He later said that
this was such an extraordinary feeling and he’s so glad he did it. He
got to be the very first one in this world to touch our son. That’s
a moment that will stay with him forever. So I pushed his head
out and then came another moment that Adam treasures: The
baby was looking around under the water. I heard Caleb in the
background say, “It’s a baby! There’s a baby!” He was watching the
whole thing and was so excited.

I asked, “What do I do now?” Our friend laughed at me and said,
“You push the rest out.” So I did. He came about half out and then
I figured that I didn’t want to wait until the next contraction so I
gave an extra push and the rest of his body slipped right out. It was
incredible to grab my baby and sit back down into the pool and
look at him for the first time. I had seen videos and slideshows and
pictures of other moms having this moment with their babies and
now it was my turn.

I was the first one to hold my baby. I felt so safe, warm and loved.
I knew that Isaac was safe. He was in his mother’s arms, exactly
where he belonged. I didn’t have anyone pestering me to weigh
him or check his temperature. Nobody tried to give him a bottle
of formula (Caleb was o"ered formula because the nurses didn’t
think he could wait for my milk). My husband and son were
there the whole time. No one tried to shu%e them away. No one
interfered. It was a picture perfect birth experience and I wouldn’t
change any of it for the world.

Isaac was born at 12:51pm after about 3 hours and 21 minutes of
labour. We called the midwife fifteen minutes after the previous
call to let her know that we had a beautiful baby boy. She said they
were on their way. The midwives came and did all the technical stu" like tying the cord (Adam and Caleb got to cut it), weighing
him (6lbs 10oz, 5oz smaller than Caleb, you know, the baby I was
told I physically couldn’t birth), checking the placenta, and filling
in all the paperwork.

My mom and dad (who live next door) came over when Isaac was
about an hour old. It was so special to share that with them. Had
we gone up to Edmonton, they wouldn’t have been able to meet
Isaac until much later. Because we were at home, Adam was able
to do chores the next morning. My mom was able to bring over
dinner(s). Most of our family was able to meet Isaac before he
was a couple days old. Caleb didn’t have to spend any time away
from us. A home birth was exactly what we wanted and needed.
I truly believe that the Lord paved the way for us to experience
Isaac’s birth this way. Had things not moved along so quickly and
smoothly we would have had to look at our alternative options of
travelling almost two hours (or more because of Christmas tra!c)
to a hospital or hotel.

We were prepared to cut the cord, weigh the baby, and figure out
all the paperwork ourselves. We were very lucky that our midwife
realized that we didn’t have the time to travel to Edmonton for the
birth. It would have been ideal to plan a midwife assisted home
birth. It would have been a lot easier to explain to friends and
family. There were certain people that we didn’t fully explain our
plans to because we didn’t want to deal with their criticism. Even
after the birth numerous people have come up to us and said thatwe had been lucky nothing went wrong. We had some people
very close to us who were completely unsupportive and were very
vocal about it. That’s not a nice position to be put in. All of the
uncertainty and the criticism made for a very stressful pregnancy.
It affected me emotionally and mentally but it also became very
physically hard on my body. It was very hard to truly enjoy being
pregnant and I feel somewhat robbed of that.

I believe that all expectant mothers should be able to choose the
birth experience/location that works best for them. I wish that not
only midwifery care was more available but also that midwives
were given the flexibility to make birth location decisions on a
per mom basis. I wish that it was easier for them to get admitting
privileges at rural hospitals. I wish there were fewer restrictions
regarding VBAC mamas. I believe that changes will come with
time, but so many mothers are being robbed of the birth they
should be entitled to because all the midwives are in the city and
are either unwilling or unable to travel. A healthy baby is only part
of the picture. A healthy birth experience matters too.

Tessa retired from her career as a financial educator
to be a stay at home mom and wife of a dairy farmer. She is the
proud mother of two boys, Caleb and Isaac. She is passionate
about breastfeeding, natural birth, attachment parenting and is
looking forward to homeschooling her children.

It's Online!

The magazine that published my birth story is finally online. So for anyone who wants to read it, feel free to check it out.
Birth Issues Online: Rural Maternity Care

It's in PDF format and can take a while to load. My story is on page 38. Enjoy!

Wow, It's been Ages!

I haven't posted for quite some some. And I haven't posted regularly for even longer. It seems that life has started to sneak away on me. The last part of my pregnancy was very difficult. I was in a lot of pain and tried to just keep my life rolling along until I had the baby and didn't have to be pregnant anymore. It's sad that such a beautiful part of my life was spent with my just wishing it to be done. But it is done and I feel much better. Well.... some days I do.

Since having Isaac I've had the flu (for the first time in like 4 years) and then Isaac ended up in the hospital for a night at 11 days old. (He had a cold and was having trouble breathing so they wanted to keep him/us for observation to make sure it didn't get worse. Which it didn't. In fact it greatly improved overnight and we still had to BEG them to let us leave. Which we finally just decided that we were going to do anyway.) Then it seems like I had a colicky baby. I truly believe that he was just disorganized after having so much stuff going on with him and around him after being born that he just needed to get this whole life on the outside thing figured out.

Things were finally going really smoothly when I slipped on the ice. Twice in one day. The first time was carrying Isaac in the sling and the second time was carrying Caleb in my arms (I had left Isaac with a friend and was going to pull the car around to pick him up so I didn't fall on the ice with him again.) Normally this wouldn't result in anything but a few bruises but, with my body still recovering from the birth, I woke up the next morning and could barely move. I could barely pick up Isaac. And then we had to pack out bags and go on a last minute trip to Ontario for Adam's Grandpa's funeral. Thankfully we had Adam's sister travelling with us so she helped carry luggage and kids. And on the flight over, Caleb got sick. I thought it might just be motion sickness but he ended up spending most of the time in ON with a terrible fever. So I missed the Wake to take care of the boys. Praise the Lord for the miracle of my back feeling much better so I could actually carry Isaac a bit. God knew that I needed to be strong for my boys (all three of them as Adam was going through a lot with the loss of Grandpa and all) so my back didn't start hurting a lot again until the day we flew home.

So fast forward a few weeks and a few chiropractor appointments. We bought new couches! Yay!! I tried to help Adam move the new couches into our house.... bad idea :( I injured my back even more. the next day was the most painful chiropractor adjustment I've ever experienced. Took my breath away. Literally. I couldn't breathe properly. Sat in the waiting room afterwards until I could muster up enough strength to carry the car seat and buckle the kids into the car. Caleb has gotten to know our chiropractor quite well over the last weeks!

Currently my back is definitely on the mend. It's still sore and the chiro popped my "floating rib" back into place yesterday but I think it's out again this morning. I don't think it's inflamed anymore so that's a bonus. And it's mostly just sore in the evening after a busy day. Adam has forced me to take it easy the last while though. Adam has also helped me catch up on some housework that I have been unable to do with having two little ones and my sore back to deal with. Yay for an awesome and understanding husband!

My prayers about Isaac have been answered and he's feeling much better about the world we live in. He's such a sweet little dude. Still knows how to scream like nothing else if you don't meet his needs but overall he's a content little rascal. He's 4 months old and has (EEK!) started crawling. No I'm not exaggerating. The kid army crawls, slowly but surely. He can also hold himself in the sitting position for a second. Not great at balancing yet though. I should really take a picture so you believe me. I have one determined little baby and he's such a joy to have around.

Caleb turned 3. I now have a preschooler. One who, just yesterday, accepted Jesus into his heart! We were driving in the car (to the chiropractor) and listening to a song about Jesus standing at the door and knocking and if you open the door He will come in. After the song was over Caleb says to me, "I love God."
Me: I love Him too buddy.
Caleb: I love Jesus too.
Me: That's good.
Caleb: I want Jesus to live in my heart.
Me: Really? Have you asked Him?
Caleb: No.
Me: Well you should ask Jesus to come live in your heart.
Caleb: Okay. Jesus will you please come to live in my heart?
Me: *tearing up in the front seat* That's awesome Caleb. Now Jesus will live in your heart forever!

An update on Adam is pretty simple. He's still milking cows and he's still playing WoW. That's his life in a nutshell!

I, on the other hand, have officially had to quit gaming. I used to play with Adam and it was a lot of fun but I just don't have the time to commit to it anymore. Instead I've started sewing again. I always enjoyed sewing but haven't been able to work it into my life until recently. I've started sewing ring sling which I LOVE doing except I've discovered it's not quite as easy as it looks. But I've got a design worked out and materials bought and a few sewn already so all the research I put into it was worth it. I'm also sewing potty training undies for kids and might expand my horizons into other things in the future. I'm trying not to take too much stuff on to myself as I still have a family to look after and just need to play things by ear. Oh, except I also have a plan to make Caleb and Isaac a blanket with minky cow on one side and black satin on the other. Hoping to monogram them too so they can tell whose is whose. They're going to be super cute! If UPS ever delivers my fabric....

Anyway, I hope that's helped catch some people up on my life for the last while. My birth story has been published in "Birth Issues" magazine and I'm looking for the link so that I can link it in my blog so yo can all read it. It's pretty awesome, if I do say so myself :)

Baby News!

Just a quick note to those who haven't heard yet. I had the baby!
Isaac was born Dec 23rd at 12:51pm after about 3.5 hours of labour. He was born at home in a pool in my living room. Caught by my friend Megan while Caleb cheered in the background and Adam held me close. It was an amazing an beautiful labour and birth and I'm in the process of writing up my birth story and will post it as soon as it's done. Oh, he was 6lbs and 10oz and 20 inches long. Just 5oz smaller than his big brother. Caleb is so affectionate with his brother and Isaac is already turning into a little pork chop :)
I'm feeling really well except for the fact that I got a nasty 24hr flu bug yesterday. Caleb spend the day at my moms while I went between the couch and toilet with a newborn in one hand and a bucket in the other. So grateful for the wonderful support that I have around me. I can't thank my mom and Adam enough for taking care of me! I'm still a little nauseous today but compared to yesterday I'm feeling way better.
I don't have any pictures on my computer yet so I can't upload any of Isaac but I will post some with my birth story. But now Caleb has woke up from his ridiculously short nap so he's needing some extra hugs. He has come down with a nasty cold, the poor little guy. Thankfully he's the only one with the cold and he has avoided the flu bug.

What I've Read

I thought that after the summer I would find more time to write but apparently that isn't quite the way things are working out. I try to take it easy, especially in this weather and at this stage of pregnancy, but for some reason silly little things keep making it into my schedule to tie up my time.
But I really wanted to post on some of the great books I've read over the last year.
A lot of them have been about birth and breastfeeding and parenting. Here's the list on that topic:
Mothering your Nursing Toddler: Norma Jane Bumgarner
Natural childbirth the Bradley Way: Susan McCutcheon
Pregnancy and Birth, the Best Evidence: Joyce Barrett, MD & Teresa Pitman
The Discipline Book: Dr Sears
Ina May’s guide to Childbirth: Ina May Gaskin
Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Hilary Flower
Womanly Art of Breastfeeding: La Leche League International
The Breastfeeding Answer Book: La Leche League International
Silent Knife-Cessarean Prevention & Vaginal Birth After Cesarean: N.W. Cohen & L.J. Estner

I have learned so much from reading all these books. It's amazing how there are certain books you and read and they meet you exactly where you're at and make you feel like you're really on the right track. I truly don't enjoy reading books that tell me I'm doing everything wrong!

Another topic of interest to me has been homeschooling and education in general. Here are some of the books I've read in regard to that topic:
Playful Learning-An Alternate Approache to Preschool: Anne Engelhardts & Cheryl Sullivan
The Homeschool Handbook: Mary Griffith
Why So Many Christians are Going Home to School: Llewellyn B. Davis
For the Children's Sake: Susan Schaeffer Macaulay
Homeschooling at the Speed of Life: Maralyn Rockett

I haven't read any books on homesteading but I have spent a large amount of time looking at articles and websites online about it. For those of you (like me) who are newbies to this phrase, it basically means getting back to living off the land. This is something that people do both in cities as well as in rural areas. I have always been intrigued by this lifestyle. I love reading books about the Amish for example and learning about how they live with no electicity or vehicles (though some do have those things of course). It's silly but I've even incorporated some of their ideas about housework. The biggest thing is probably that (most of) the Amish women in the books do laundry on Mondays. So now Mondays I make sure to do a load or two of laundry.

I have a couple of books that I'd really like to take some more time to talk about because of the impact they've made in my life. I would love to tell you what I've learned about all the books but I think that would just take to much time. If you have questions about a particulat book or even just a topic in general that I've been looking into feel free to ask and I'll fill you in more on what I've learned.

So there's two books that have quite radically changed my thinking (and lifestyle)but, unfortunatly, I don't have time to type more right now! So yes, I'm going to leave you in suspense for those two. I'll start typing up on the first book and I'm not actually finished the second one yet but I hope that you can get something out of my experiences with them too.

Sippy Cups - Good, Bad or Ugly?

So I have a love-hate relationship with sippy cups. I personally believe that there is no reason for a child to ever use sippy cups as their full time cups. I understand that fluid requirements for a formula fed baby are a little different but a breastfed baby can get all of it's fluid from breastmilk directly up till about a year. After that point most children are very capable of using a regular cup. Of course this will depend on how often the mother nurses but generally speaking, if your baby is thirsty, just feel free to nurse him/her. But then there are a lot of moms out there who don't share this viewpoint or are not able/willing to let their baby nurse for thirst as well as hunger. Enter the sippy cup.

I'll start with some of the things that I don't like about them.
Speech issues: because of the way a baby/child sucks on the sippy, it hinders the proper movement and development of the jaw and tounge and can lead to speech delays and/or speech impediments. Kids who live with a sippy cup in their mouth are more likely to need speech therapy.
Cavities: when a baby/child drinks from a sippy cup the drink deposits on their teeth. It's very similar to the reasons that you should let your baby sleep with a bottle of anything other than water. Water in a sippy would be fine, milk is alright but walking around with juice or *gasp* pop! in a sippy should be no-nos.
Delayed cup skills: a baby/child (fyi: I say child because I know plenty of 4-5 year olds who still use sippies) using a sippy cup won't learn to use a normal cup as quickly. They don't learn that tipping causes spills and they can't control the flow of their drink as easily. Since they're not used to it, it's going to take them longer to use these skills. Yes, they will eventually learn but will they still be having issues when they hit kindergarden? Is that really the best time for a child to learn that a cup spills if they bump it? (This depends on how long the sippy cup is used of course.)

I will be honost, I REALLY don't like sippies. I have a couple that I started using with Caleb but he was drinking on his own from a cup at a year so we've never really had a big need for them. I also took the valves out so they were more just a cup with a pour spout (you don't suck the same way on a pour spout). Caleb is perfectly capable at 2.5 to drink from a regular cup. He can even drink while he's walking (I can't even do that, I need to stop walking)! He's very good about trying not to spill (though he's only 2.5 so sometimes he spills his drink, sometimes he spills mine, that's just life with a toddler). He only gets water when he wants to drink elsewhere than the table. He only gets a little bit of water when he wants to walk to the other room with it (less spill to clean up). Milk and tea stay at the table.

That being said, sippies can come in very handy. We've used them on car trips (mostly to the midwife) when we're driving and trying to do a meal at the same time. I put water or milk in it and he can put it in his cup holder or give it back to me. That way if we go over a bump or he drops it we're not dealing with a major spill in the car. I think that's pretty much the only time we use them. I could get a bottle with a spout that I know he will use just fine in the car (at this age anyway, maybe not a year ago) but I already had the cups in my house. Though he got frustrated with the lack of control over the flow so he stuck his finger through the holes in the spout.... not much of a sippy cup anymore lol! I'm still a big fan of cups with lids and spouts (Tupperware has some great ones) and I think that I'll buy some of those when the next baby hits that 1.5 - 2 year mark and decides he/she needs water in the car just because mama has her bottle.

So that's a bit of my thoughts on sippies. And now I'm off to have a nap... or maybe I'll read a bit... darn I just remembered I have to fold laundry before Caleb wakes up. The job of a mom is never done is it?

Baby Steps to a Better Life

I just read a really inspirational post on trying to "do it all." I came across this mama's blog a while back and she had some very similar ideas about lifestyle that I do. She called her post "The Impossible is Possible."

There are some really terrific women in my life who seem to have it all together. They eat the the right kinds of foods (unprocessed, whole ingredients, made from scratch etc) and homeschool their children, exercise regularly, volunteer, garden, keep a clean house, spend personal time studying Scripture, run a business, do "crafty" things, and still have time for playdates and husbands! I am so far from being organized (or energetic) enough to do even half of that. I know that these women didn't accomplish this all overnight. But I have still looked at them and thought "I wish I could do that." I have tried to stop saying things like that. I don't want to "wish away" chunks of my life. I want to be content where I'm at in life and enjoy each stage of life that I go through.

I love the saying that we are a work in progress. That's totally how I feel. And it's kind of great knowing that the Lord's not done with me yet. I don't have to feel like I've "arrived" because, until I get to heaven or the Jesus comes again, I haven't arrived. I still on the journey. So I reflected a bit last week on how I've grown in mostly intangible ways and I want to take a bit of time this week to talk about some of the steps that we've made toward the lifestyle we feel called to.

Over the last few years a BIG change we have made is in our diets. We used to buy a lot of premade meals (I didn't cook a lot) and processed snacks. I now cook most of the time (I still throw in a frozen lasagna once in a while) and try to make sure that those meals are well-balanced (i.e. enough veggies). Our snacks usually consist of crackers n cheese, or fresh fruit, or yogurt, or homemade (healthy) muffins or cookies. We also only do whole wheat bread and pastas. It was much easier for us to get motivated to eat healthier when Caleb started eating more with us. I really don't want his little body to get filled up with junk. I want to give his body things that are more natural and flow through his system without clogging arteries or filling him up with foods that have empty calories. I want him to learn to take pride in the body that God has blessed him with. In order to do that, we need to do it ourselves. That doesn't mean that we don't EVER have chips or cake (remember the apple pie I mentioned last week?). It just means that we choose not to keep that kind of stuff in the house on a regular basis. Adam and I are also learning to take better care of our bodies and we feel much better for it. It's amazing how a couple of eggs, whole wheat toast, homemade hashbrowns and a glass of milk make you feel for the rest of the morning! And then something as simple as spaghetti with whole wheat noodles and ground beef and tomato sauce with corn or carrots mixed in makes for a delicious healthy dinner.

Another change that we made was the switch to cloth diapers. I originally thought about doing cloth right from the time that Caleb was born. But I never got around to it. And when I signed off my business when he was about 10 or 11 months old my reward was to switch to cloth. It felt like a LOT of work at first but I was so passionate about the switch and since I used it as a "reward" to officially closing my business it was a lot more fun. Plus I was able to focus on the cute diapers that you can get when you do cloth and the fact that we were saving money and saving the environment... it was just a very exciting time. Next step is to hang my diapers to dry instead of putting them in the washer. My baby step toward this is to hang Caleb's nighttime diapers. He only has about 6 or 7 a week that I wash and need to hang up so it's very easy to take the few minutes to do so. When the newborn comes in a couple of months it will be more like 20 diapers every other day that I will need to hang. But I can still do baby steps and choose to hang them even once a week, or once a month if that's all I can manage. At least it will be a step closer to my goal.

Another accomplishment that I feel really good about is some volunteer work that I've had the opportunity to do. I get to support other mothers and even though it's really only a couple days a month that I put in regularly, it's great knowing that every little bit counts.

I have a list of 4 items that I want to plant in a garden next spring. I would love to have TONNES more but I feel like I can handle 4. Over the winter I'm planning to read about how to grow these items and how to prepare the soil etc. And I'm going to get Adam involved too (he can do more of the manual labour) and I know that Caleb will just have a blast finding out how seeds grow. Caleb already loves the dirt so it will be a really fun family project to do together. That's the way I'm looking at it. If I think about all the work involved and all the things I want to plant in the future then I will get overwhelmed. But a 4 item garden next year is better than no garden this year.

I've also read a lot about homeschooling and talked to a number of moms I know that have homeschooled or are currently homeschooling about how to start off with a toddler. It's very exciting that Caleb is getting old enough to "learn." But then I have to remind myself that he's been learning so much all of his life. Adam was always supportive of "my decision" to homeschool but it's been really great to see him not only support me but become pretty passionate about the topic himself. That's a huge step forward. I would love to buy a really great preschooler curriculum for Caleb right now and dive right in. But in reality he's 2 and a half! I do have somewhat of a more relaxed game plan for him over the course of the next year. A large part of which consists of going to the library regularly. He LOVES to be read too and will often sit on the floor with a book and "read" to himself. He was actually finding letters on the cracker box on the way home from groceries today. ("F, F, F, bigger F, where's Q? S, *sss*, *sss*, BOOM!" In addition to the library we walk around the farm and just talk about the animals and the plants and we talked a lot about harvesting. We've been talking about babies and birth a lot. Next spring we'll talk about gardening and where fruits and veggies come from. It'll just be living life. Way simpler than a full curriculum!

Another change was getting rid of cleaning chemicals. I'm not really one to put a "plug" in for a particular product but I would just like to say that I LOVE Norwex. I know that there are other great companies out there who sell similar stuff but my favorite thing is the antibacterial clothes. They came in especially handy when Caleb was potty training. I could just wipe up the mess (pee anyway), rinse the rag, and hang it up ready to use for next time. I also love them for when he was a newborn and I dropped a toy on the mall floor. I could just take my rag out, wipe it up, and know that it was clean. Plus they're still super soft but grippy enough to use when he's got jam or peanut butter or spaghetti sauce all over his face.

I have a number of other things that I would love to do with my time but for now I am just taking it day by day. I'm so thankful for the strength and guidance the Lord has given me so far and I know that He will continue to guide our steps towards living a healthier, simpler lifestyle. So that was a little longer than I intended but I hope that you enjoyed reading about some positive things. Like Kelli mentions in her post, there are many areas that I need to work on but I'm trying to be the kind of mom God wants me to be and live the life I'm called to live!

Feel free to leave a comment either here or on my facebook with some of the positive changes that you've made to your life in the last few years :)

Reflections

As I am enjoying some quiet time while Caleb is napping I realized that I'm quite bored right now. Sure there are plenty of things that I could be doing. Well... most of it consists of different aspects of housework. Instead I'm sitting here eating my second piece of pie (and last because it's all gone now) and reflecting a bit over the last year. I realized that I've had this blog for a whole year now! And what a year it has been.

I've learned so much about myself and my family. Did you know that raising a toddler is a lot more "work" than a newborn is? A newborn's needs are (usually) easily filled (diaper, snuggles, nursing). A toddler is mobile and has opinions and is essentially a little person, minus the logic and reasoning skills that adults have. (Or should have?) Watching Caleb put his boots and coat on to play in his sandbox is absolutely incredible. It's amazing how independent he can be. But then he gets tired and cold and still needs his mama right there too. He's super excited when I wake him up to go to Little Lambs (a children's story hour at my church) but then needs me to sit with him for 5-10 minutes before he's comfortable enough for me to leave. I really enjoy reading to Caleb (which we do a LOT these days) and doing puzzles and baking with him. I love that he wants to go out to work with his Papa as often as he can. I love that he wanted to follow his Opa & Oma (my parents) back to their place when they came by to tell me happy birthday. It's amazing to watch Caleb's vocabulary take off and see his interests expand and develop.

I've learned that my purpose right now is to create a safe and loving home environment for my family. It was very hard for me when I gave up my career to stay at home but I certainly don't regret it. I love being able to build my life around my family instead of trying to fit my family into my life. I've become a lot more content with my role as a SAHM. I'm still not keen on the cooking and cleaning end of things but I try to remind myself that those things are a way of serving my family. It helps that Adam doesn't mind having spaghetti at least once a week as long as I throw in an evening of shake n bake chicken once in a while.

I've spent the last year doing a lot of reading and learning about birth and breastfeeding as well as homeschooling. It's been fascinating to find out all of this neat stuff that I get to apply to my family's life. And it's been great to see Adam become more and more excited about homeschooling too. He was always supportive but excitement about it is even better.

Caleb and I have made some great friends over the last year and had tonnes of playdates. He's starting to get better with sharing and he not only remembers his friend but is finally saying their names. It's awesome to be able to to tell him which friend we are going to visit and he gets excited to play with them. He even recognizes vehicles when they pull up in the yard! Though I have learned to not mention the playdate until right before we leave or right before they arrive. Saves us the heartache if plans change or if he skips his nap out of excitement.

The impending arrival of our new little one is coming. I actually have a frozen meal in my freezer (which is more than I had with Caleb) so hopefully I can get some more made so we don't starve. We are still trying to figure out sleeping arrangements as Caleb is still pretty keen on snuggling really close to me at night. He also still likes to nurse down so it will be interesting to see how those things will need to be adjusted when there's a newborn in the bed too. My hope is that Caleb will snuggle more with his Papa instead of me. We've also been talking about how babies need lots of diapers (to which Caleb replies that he doesn't need diapers because he's a big boy) and that they need lots of "milkies." Caleb is usually pretty good with saying he will share milkies with the new baby so that's a very good thin. He also hugs my belly and says "hi" to the baby. I'm in the process of making a book for him on his entrance into the world with my digital scrapbooking program. I still have a lot more work to do on it though so I will really need to make the effort to get it done by Christmas.

I think that Caleb is about to wake up now though (I can hear his breath change in the monitor right now) so that's all for now folks! Happy Birthday to me and Yay! for a whole year of blogging!

An Exclusive Club

So last night when Adam came in from milking he wanted me to listen to a song. He said that the words really spoke to him. The song was "I Believe in Angels" by George Canyon.
I had heard the song before but I don't usually pay really close attention to the words when I'm listening to the radio. Adam listens to the radio pretty much all day every day when he's working in the machinery or milking in the parlour. Not to mention that he has an amazing aptitude for deciphering and remembering lyrics anyway (i.e. he knows what AC/DC is saying!).

Anyway, back to the song. There is a line that says "to watch them sleep how could anyone say that there's no Heaven? Man, there's no way" That was the line that Adam really wanted me to hear (and we actually had to replay that part because I coughed or shuffled a plate or something during those two seconds *oops*). He mentioned that it was a great line in a great song but there was more to it than that. We both sat there and totally agreed with George Canyon. We've spent countless hours just watching Caleb sleep. Not to mention watching Caleb do such simple little things like smile or eat breakfast or play in his sandbox. And the "bigger milestones" like learning to laugh and crawl and then walk and talk. How could such a tiny person know exactly how to do all those things if there wasn't a Creator with an awesome plan for him and his life?

We kept talking about how people without children don't understand how incredible that feeling really is. Other people listen to that song and think "oh how sweet" but it isn't really until you have your own children that you truly understand the depth of it. When you become a parent you automatically belong to this "club" that understands heaven in your child's eyes. A club in which you can talk to another mother (or father) and completely understand where they're coming from when they talk about their relationship with their children. A club that allows you to understand more deeply the joys of actually raising children, despite the poopy diapers, sleepless nights (with newborns or teenagers!), financial responsibility, and the difference that it has made in your marriage. All those things can be looked at as negatives.

I have heard so many people say that they are not ready to give up their current lifestyle. "They ruin your lives" and "they cost to much" are the most common two that I hear. Yet if you ask anyone who has children, neither of those have come to fruition. They will tell you that children have enhanced their lives and that somehow they always manage to make ends meet. And yes you might have to do without some luxuries but if you ask a parent whether they would choose to have their child or an annual all inclusive vacation, or a new car, or more nights out with friends, they will tell you that they would never give up their child to go back to their old lifestyle.

As many of you know I read, a LOT, and some of the things that I've been reading on are the values that society tries to teach us. We are being raised to have a "things before people" mentality. Or "if it feels good, do it." Become a parent puts you in an exclusive club that has proven time and time again that putting people first is where you find "true happiness" (such a corny phrase and I hate using is but can't think of anything better) and that life is not all about you. Contrary to popular belief, people are much happier when they are putting another's needs in front of their own. When you have a child you have very little choice but to put his/her needs before your own. And that's not only okay, it's exactly what we were created to do.

So to all the parents out there, I'm glad to share membership in this club that is based on self-sacrifice, giving without receiving and yet feeling more fulfilled that those not yet in this club.

Crazy Summer

So my blog has been put on the back-burner for a while as I've had other committments these past few months that took up most of my time. Plus I used to write while Caleb was sleeping but a lot of time I will crash with him at nap time. It's wonderful that he still naps every day!
This doesn't mean that my blog hasn't been on my mind. In fact, it's been on my mind for sometiems hours at a time. Unfortunatly it's usually at about 3am when I'm waking up to pee and then I just lay in bed "writing" articles in my head for the next hour or two until I fall asleep. I'm hoping over the next few months to actually get some of this stuff in type.
Here's a few of the topics that have been on my mind. I'm listing them partially so you can have an idea of what sort of topics I will/might post on in the future but also so that I can refer back to this when I forget what I wanted to write about. (Forgetting happens a lot these last 6 months, baby brain lol!)
The books/web articles I've been reading
Sippy cups
Breastfeeding while pregnant (might do this after the baby is born so I know what the last trimester is like)
Toddler Sleeping habits
Differences in Doctor vs Midwifery care
Entertaining a toddler
Mother-to-mother support system
Creating Independence in children

Those are just the few that pop into my head at this moment. Of course I have more but I can't remember them at the moment. In the 20 minutes I've been typing this I've been distracted by a potty break (Caleb's and mine) a husband coming in, a son going back outside to play (in mama's shoes of course) and showing the hubby an interesting video that a friend came across. So I've been a little distracted!

Quick update on me: feeling large but usually feeling good. Uncomfortable at times but I really shouldn't complain because it could be much worse. Everyone's telling me that I look really cute and pregnant so that's nice :) I realized recently that I should maybe think about getting some more newborn diapers (I have about 2 covers, 10diapers plus the flats that I could fold) and maybe find/wash some newborn clothes. I've got to look into prepping the carseat and in a couple month we'll have to install it. Plus I want to do Christmas cards this year but should probably get everything ready to go before the baby comes so that when he/she arrives I can stick a picture on and print them and send them out. So there's my to-do list for baby. Or at least that's what I've thought of so far... I think I need to go catch my little monkey right now and try to get him to nap. More for Mama's sake than for his!

Hormones and "Losing it"

So last night I woke up thinking that maybe, just MAYBE, my hormones are getting back to normal. I went through my life and this was about the train of my thoughts: I'm not on antidepressants anymore, that's good.
I'm not on birth control (and don't ever want to go back on the pill!).
I'm not lactating any more (though we're still nursing)...
Yup, I think my hormones are finally getting a chance to get straightened out!
*ponder*
*ponder*
CRAP! I'm pregnant! So much for that theory!!!

It's kind of silly that I was up at 3:30am to go pee (because I'm pregnant and all midnight trips to the bathroom have become routine) and I'm laying there nearly halfway through my pregnancy thinking that I'm finally able to get my hormones back into shape. Isn't being a woman lovely? Especially a woman of childbearing age! I had to have a giggle to myself about my lack of mental capabilities.

So speaking of hormones, mine are still totally out of wack. Not as bad as they were in the first trimester (i.e. I'm not nauseous all morning anymore) but they are still playing a wonderfully annoying role in my life. For example, Caleb is (I don't want to say it for fear of jinxing it!) mostly potty trained. For a long time we just did a bare bum around the house (I have mostly lino so accidents were easy to clean up) so he got used to a certain way of sitting on the potty. Now that he's graduated to underwear and pants/shorts potty time requires a few very distinct steps. The first being my requirement: tuck and hold your knees together. The second is Caleb's: pants and underwear compeltely off. Now this isn't normally a big deal because they usually just fall off when his little legs are dangling off the potty. A few weeks ago though he was wearing sweatpants with the elastic around the ankles. This means his pants did NOT fall off. Apparently this was te biggest deal in the world (at least to him). I, on the other hand, thought he should just suck it up. He kicked and screamed and I finally tore his pants off, threw them at the wall and said (not so kindly and quite loudly), "There, are you happy now?" and walked out of the room....
So apparently my hormones are still playing a role in my parenting! The worst part was that this blow out could have totally been prevented! It was Caleb's naptime (the plan was to pee and nap) so that moved him into the red zone. Since it was Caleb's naptime, that means it was also probably time for me to have a nap as well (red zone for me). Then add in the fact that I knew he wouldn't like having his pants on and I left them on anyway (strike against me) and the fact that sometimes my hormones just get the better of me (another strike against me). So if you count it up, that's one strike agains Caleb, three against me. As mad as I was at him, it wasn't really his fault. He's two for pete's sake. I'm the adult and should have stayed calm. But I didn't. So he peeed (is that how you spell it?) and then I had to apologize to him and show him I loved him. We sat on the couch and he had some milkies and we both had a nice nap. Although I would like to point out that he did mention to me that I shouldn't throw things.

Would you like another example? He was playing with a piece of our windowsill and I told him not too. He pulled his arm back, I told him throwing is not allowed. He threw it anyway. It wacked me right in the nose. I thought for a bit that he broke my nose because all of the sudden I couldn't see straight. Partially due to the blinding pain and partially due to the anger. I yelled at him not to throw things (I try to control my voice level but it's hard sometimes) and picked him up and gently set him in the corner of the couch.... okay, maybe not so gently. And I'm really grateful that he missed getting wacked into the bookshelf as I had him in my arms and turned toward the couch (I didn't see it, I was partially blind remember?). So he's sitting in the couch and I wanted to walk away. I figured though if he could see my emotions (the one of pain) that he might understand that he hurt mommy. So I chose to sit on the (far) opposite end of the couch. I REALLY didn't want to be near him at that point.
I discovered my nose wasn't broken, just bleeding and VERY bruised. Through his own tears he saw mommy crying and saw me bleeding and, after about 5-10 minutes, came over to apologize and give me a hug. I wasn't ready for his hug (still angry) but what could I do when my little toddler comes over saying "tyorry mommy, owie mommy, no throw, tyorry" with his arms open wide? So him and I had a good chat about throwing things. I also had to tell him he couldn't kiss mommy better because it was owie to touch. And the mark on my nose was handy because he would look at it for the next several days and remember what throwing does.
While this was going on, my potatoes boiled over and my meat burned. But Caleb and I were able to have a good heart to heart. Food is replacable, life lessons are not. As much as I wanted to walk away from him because I was so angry, I'm glad that I didn't. Sometimes it's good to show your children emotions (though like I said I'm still working on the raising my voice thing) so that they can learn mommy and daddy have feelings too.
The first incident was totally my hormones. I was thinking the whole time that this is ridiculous and why am I flipping out? The second incident came to be because I was cooking supper and Caleb was hungry and needed my attention. Who knew you could get so angry at and exasperated with such an adorable little being? It's amazing what will happen when both you and your child are both in the "red zone." So why am I telling you all this? First of all, this blog entry made a lot more sense when I wrote it in my head at 3:30am (it had a much better conclusion, but I can't remember it). Second, because sometimes it's good for parents to know that we're not the only ones that get angry and "lose it." There's a line by Julie Andrews in Princess Diaries 2. She plays Queen Clarice and is talking to her granddaughter (Anne Hatheway - Princess Mia) who has a tedancy to get into questionable situations. The line goes like this "As royalty we are held to higher standards. People look up to us. We can't afford to 'lose it.' Other people 'lose it,' we're supposed to find it."
I love that line! (And yes, I have nearly all that movie memorized.) It can apply to parenting too. Our little people look up to us. We need to show them how to deal properly with our emotions so that they can learn to deal with theres. Does this mean we're always going to get it right? Apsolutely not. Does that make you a bad parent? Absolutely not. Good parents fly off the handle sometimes. But a good parent understands that sometimes circumstances led up to a point and we can't blame the children for that (usually involves being tired, hungry, bored/lonely). Other times we can realize that we messed up and in that case, we MUST apologize to our children. It's only fair to treat them with the respect they deserve. Especially if you want them to treat you with the respect you deserve.
So take the time to sit and read a book with them. Or drive the train around the train track 100 times. And make sure that they get the (healthy) food and sleep they need. It will save you a lot of problems. And if you're in the wrong, own up to it. It makes it a lot easier for them to do so as they get older.

A New Topic of Study

Ever since I had Caleb I've been interested in reading books, article, forums any anything else I can find of parenting and breastfeeding. Lately my interest has expanded. I am still reading on all of the above but I've also added reading and research on childbirth and pregnancy to the list. Mostly childbirth since pregnancy seems (to me) pretty straightforward.

I have read on VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean), effects of medication during labour, comparisons of hospital vs home vs unassisted childbirth and much more. And I currently have about 4 thick books sitting on my shelf just waiting for me to dive in! I have no idea how I manage to find time to read about this and can't manage to find time to vacuum or wash dishes lol! I suppose much of my study is done over the breakfast table and while Caleb plays outside (as he's doing right now actually, laptops are wonderful).

The book I'm currently reading is one that I would recommend to any mom giving birth, as well as her support person (often a husband but occasionally a mom friend or sister or mother etc). The only problem that I have found with this book is that my husband doesn't read. Unless it's a car magazine or a manual to some piece of farm machinery of course. So I suppose I have about 6 months to educate him on the whole process of labour and delivery. Yikes!

I'll give you a bit of a cliff notes version of some interesting things that I've learned so far from this book:
1. Amount of dilation is the least reliable indicator of where you are in labour! The reason for this is because you can be at 3 cm for 12 hours and then all of the sudden shoot to 10 cm within a couple hours. Or go to 8 cm within 2 hours and then spend the next 10 hours going from 8 to 10cm. Better indicators include emotional signposts and how far apart and how long the contraction are.

2. There are four different ways to enter the pushing stage (I won't go into detail, if you're interested feel free to look it up yourself, very interesting): a) all the way dilated and an urge to push (this is pretty much the only stage the Drs believe exists, or at least the only "right" stage); b) Hoquet Reflex; All the way dilated with or without and urge to push; c) All the way dilated with no urge to push (this was me! and though Drs think this isn't okay, it totally is); d) Not all the way dilated with a strong urge to push.

3. Protein is really good during pregnancy: it is the key to steady energy and it helps you keep your mood stable (anything to help avoid mood swings is a good thing right?)

4. The use of aspirin has been shown to prolong pregnancy.

Those are just a few of the great tidbits I've been reading about. I can't wait to finish this book and start reading all the other books that I've borrowed. I could probably spend a whole bunch of money on books on childbirth. I am resigned to spending this money instead on buying newborn diapers.... which can also be a very addicting habit!
Anyway, here's a link if you're interested in more information in the book. I just realized I haven't even mentioned the title yet! So here it is: Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, by Susan McCutcheon. Dr. Bradley has also written a book himself called Husband Coached Childbirth but to be honest, I probably won't read it. Because that would mean I'd have to read it out loud to my husband. Not really at the top of my list of things to do :)

So that's some of what's been on my mind lately and I just thought I would share. To those readers who didn't know yet that I was pregnant, well I am. We haven't been "shouting it from the rooftops" because we have been a little gun shy due to a couple of miscarriages. But I'm currently 15 weeks and due around Christmas. It's still a little surreal to us, but then it was the same with Caleb. We are very excited as we've been waiting for and wanting another baby for a long time. And Caleb is excited too. Even though he doesn't really understand there is a baby growing in mommy's tummy yet. He thinks it's growing in his knees..... don't ask, long story!

Toddler Translations

So my life has been a complete roller coaster of the last few months making my blogging time very limited.
Every day I spend with my little family gets more and more interesting and involved. I keep thinking about how much Caleb has started to make me laugh (not that he didn't before of course) with his funny little antics. I thought it might be interesting to give you a bit of an insight into Caleb's mind and his way of speaking/thinking.
For those of you who know Caleb on a personal level some of these will come as no surprise. For others, it may jsut let you understand why I enjoy mothering this little man so much.

Caleb has a way of communicating that consists of signs with a few words interjected. Sometimes he makes up his own signs and often he makes up his own words. I think it's pretty typical of a toddler to do so but every toddler still has their very own language.Here's some of Caleb's language:

He says "kitty" and kitties say "wow!" (in a very high pitched voice.
For the most part, all of the other animals just get noises as their names. Examples: fwoof=dog; a whispered "quaaa quaaa"=duck; "mmmmmmoo"=cow (this sound hilarious when he actually says it cuz it's mostly just a long mumble); birrr=bird which says "pee-pee, ouch!" (my mom pretends that her bird bites her so he figures all birds bite); "he he he"=horse; fish consists of a pretty limp fish sign accompanied by the word "twater"

Words:
Twater=water
Trater=tractor (very easy to get confused with water)
Keee= kitty and kids, or "key car" means.... car keys (shocker!)
Bow=ball
Troe bow=soccer (he loves watching Fifa with my dad and playing soccer with his uncle)
Mumbee=mommy
Quaa= quad, wheel loader, skidsteer
Coke-ee = Cookie
Buddies=bubbles
Quock=rock
Cwook or Crock=book (not a great thing for him to say when he wants a Bible from the pew in the middle of a sermon. Don't worry, I explained that the sermon is not a crock)
Bye-ee=bug or butterfly or fly
Bar=Barn
Croaker=Broken
Ttheeo=TV, movie, music. If accompanied by some hand motions it means Tea
Caw-hee=Coffee
Oat=Hot
Bump truck=dump truck
Tyorry or Sossy=sorry
*snif snif*=flower

Phrases (usually half SIGNED, half spoken):
My WORK HELP daddy trater SLEEP moo= I'm going to help daddy bed the cows. (always accompanied by "bye mumbee")
Quaa HELP BABY moo=Let's go help feed the calves then go on a quad ride with daddy.
WORK Bar moo MILK= I'm going to pick up some milk from the barn (usually accompanied by "bye mumbee" and a door slam)
Trow bow ttheeo=I'm going to watch soccer on TV now.
WORK dirt quaa=I'm going to play in the sandbox with my loader... er work in the sandbox I suppose would be a better translation.

Things Caleb loves: Butterflies, bubbles, birds, machinery of all sorts, his mama and papa, playing outside (he would live outside if I let him!), milkies, snuggling with a book, going to Opa and Oma's house, friends of all sorts (he's very good at making new ones), his Cozy Coupe. Pretty much things that all toddlers love. Did I mention that he ADORES his dad? He is a little buckeroo and would follow his daddy to the ends of the earth!
To illustrate:

Thoughts for the Future

A few of you know that I have been thinking/planning to homeschool my child(ren) instead of sending them to public or private school. Through my life I've attended public schools, Christian schools, as well as homeschooled for a couple of years. I will be honost and say that I did well in all 3 systems. I think that school was something that I always enjoyed. Perhaps it's because my dad was a teacher and he instilled a love of learning in me so that I was always eager to pick up a new book and read. Perhaps it's just because I learn very easily in the way that the school systems teach. You pick up a book, you read it, you take some notes, then you write a test. For me this was always very straightforward and simple to understand. Not that I always go the best grades, mind you, but at least I never really believed that I was "stupid" or "didn't read well" or worse, "didn't learn quick enough." Those are all phrases I've heard people close to me say actually.

Since I had pretty good experiences in all three systems, what would cause the big urge in me to homeschool instead of make use of the public/private system?

I came across a website that made me think about my reasons for wanting to homeschool and actually put them on paper. This was an awesome experience for me to go through because not only did it make me evaluate my reasoning (part of it is because I just can't stand the thought of sending my children away from me for 8 hours a day, I want to spend that time with them instead) and expand on that. It was also good for Adam to see what some of the reasons were. He was a little more skeptical of the whole "homeschooling thing" because he only ever experienced going to a Christian school (the same one actually) for all of his education.

So anyway, here's my thoughts that I put on paper as I followed the outline on the aforementioned website. Keep in mind that these are a rough draft and unedited. I realized as I read through them again that some of the wording is awkward but it's quite late now and I don't feel like editing them so I'm just going to type them as I wrote them several months ago :

My Educational Beliefs
1. I believe children should love learning.
2. I believe a parent's main education to a child should be to teach him/her to:
a) Love God wholeheartedly
b) Love others as they love themselves
c) Love him/herself (confidence/self-esteem)
3. I believe all children learn by different methods and learning should be tailored to suit the child (not vice versa)
4. I believe children are naturally curious and should not be discouraged from pursing those interests.
5. I believe education should not be resitricted to a certain subject or method.
6. I believe a parent/teacher should only ever have enthusiasm about a child learning, not disappointment over what they haven't learned.

Life Goals for My Child
1. I hope he learns to listen to his Heavently Father in all things.
2. I hope he shows commitment to what he starts and is a man of his words.
3. I hope he becomes a wonderful, loving, involved husband and father (if God leads him that way).
4. I hope he does everything to his best ability.
5. A man of impeccable morals and ethics, I hope he always does the right thing, no matter what others do.
6. I hope he takes care of the mind and body God has given him.
7. I hope he is not afraid to be who God made him to be. Not ashamed of who he is.

Why we are going to homeschool our children
1. No one has a better vested interes in thier education than we do.
2. To give us flexibility of time to pursue life instead of grades.
3. To stay close to our children - emotionally, mentally, and physically.
4. To take the money we could spend on school and use it for education instead.
5. To be the favorite and respected teacher that they think about when they grow up.
6. Because I want my kids to learn in a way they enjoy.
7. Because kids learn better/more if they are not restricted by graces/curriculum.
8. Because I will not allow anyone to tell or make my child feel stupid.
9. My children will learn with, intereact with, and appreciate children in all age groups.
10. So we can learn right alongside our children.
11. Our school systems sucks.
12. To know what our children are learning.

Flashback to my Cesarean

So last night I had a strange dream. And stranger still, it was one of those dreams that you remember with such clarity that you wonder if it was really a dream at all. In this dream I went to the RD Regional Hospital "Birth Office" (that's how I knew it was a dream because I'm pretty sure that office doesn't actually exist). I sat down with the lady for an "interview" of sorts about my birth experience with the hospital.

What I told her (in my dream) went something like this:
"I was very disappointed with my birth experience with this hospital. I ended up with an unnecessary c-section. Truly. Even my doctor couldn't give me a good reason as to why I had it. My son was in the perfect position, wasn't overly large (6lbs 15oz to be precise), wasn't stuck, wasn't in distress. He just wasn't ready. I didn't appreciate having 10 people in the room trying to "diagnose" me. I didn't need to be diagnosed, I needed to be left alone so I could deliver my son. I didn't appreciate that the one nurse that understood had to leave because her shift was over. I hated being tied to that stupid fetal monitor in the most uncomfortable position. I didn't appreciate being "on the clock" while I was in labour. Apparently it was more important how long I was in the hospital and how long I was 10cm dilated than it was how comfortable I was or how I was feeling. I didn't like that you guys stuck me up to an IV for no good reason the whole time that I was in labour and "forgot" to take it out after I had my son. I hate that my birthing experience with my son was a medical procedure that was being done to me, instead of the natural, empowering journey that it should have been.
Did you know that your hospital had one of the highest c-section rates out of all the hospitals in the province? (Note: not sure if that's entirely true, I know theirs is higher than average but don't actually know where it stands in relation to the rest of the province) I am not satisfied with my birth experience in this hospital and I will recommend to all my friend to avoid giving birth here."

It may have gone on further but this is when I woke up (at 20 to 5am!). I started mulling over this dream and reviewing my birth experience (again) to see if there was anything I missed. I could have said so much more in this "interview." Like how I felt so out of control and that it wasn't fair that no one asked me what I wanted. I was never asked if I wanted the surgery. (I told them "I want it out" and they took that to mean surgery. I meant that I just wanted something to help move it along) Like the fact that despite my son having 9 and 9.5 on his two apgars (10 is perfect but nearly unheard of, so I've been told) they still felt the need to hold him in the neonatal nursery for an hour. The nurse there also felt the need to give him a bottle of formula, despite my instructions that he was not to receive any (my husband stopped her, thankfully). Or what about the fact that I got to see my son, hanging upside down, for about 2 seconds before he was whisked away to be weighed and wrapped all up. I got to touch his cheek, that's all. Or the fact that they pumped me so full of painkillers that I could hardly see straight. Or maybe I could have brought up the fact that the nurses (most of them anyway) wanted nothing more than to separate me from my baby during my whole hospital stay. They would come in and ask if they could take him so I could "get some sleep," or "eat my food" or just generally "have a break." (I only had him for about 2 hours before they thought I might need a break from motherhood!) And whenever they came in to check on him, they would swaddle him and put him into his bassinet. I kept having to unswaddle and pull him into bed so we could snuggle and breastfeed and have skin-to-skin time.

That was my introduction into motherhood. I came home and realized that I loved my son but didn't feel like a mother. Looking back, with the way that I was treated as a medical condition, it's not really a surprise. I felt like I had been through surgery and a hospital stay. I didn't feel like I had gone and had a baby. That part of the experience was very surreal to me and took a long time for me to accept. I asked my doctor at my two week check-up why I had the surgery. He hemmed and hawed for a bit and said "well maybe your pelvis was too small." Did I mention my son was only 6lbs 15oz? (And nearly a pound of that was water weight that he lost in the next day or two). The c-section was out of convenience. It was Sunday afternoon, I had been 10cm dilated since noon. It was 3pm and everyone just wanted me to be done so they could go home. Did you know that most "emergency" c-sections take place on the weekends and holidays? Coincidence?

I have always said the the only reason Caleb didn't come down (he never really dropped, even when I was 10cm) was because he just wasn't ready. It occurred to me this morning that this thought isn't entirely accurate. I think that the reason he didn't come was because I wasn't ready. I just remembered that he shifted at one point and I kind of panicked. I asked if he was coming and what should I do. Nobody told me to relax and that everything would be alright. I tensed up and probably prevented him from moving any further. I was afraid. Being in labour is a time when you really need to focus and connect with your "inner self" (for lack of a better term). If you don't know how to do that and don't have anyone guiding you to that place then It's going to be extremely difficult to deliver your child.

I'm glad that I have been able to learn so much from my experience with Caleb. I'm glad that I forced myself to bond with him, it would have been so easy to stay away and be only half the mother to him that I am now. Here's a few other things that I've learned about labour and delivery in a hospital, things I wish I knew then:
They time you: from the moment you check in you're on the clock. If you're not dilating as fast as they would like they assume something is wrong and (try to) medically intervene.
Fully dilated doesn't mean you have to push: I got to 10cm and they told me to push, so I did. But I never actually had the urge to bear down. Push when you feel the urge and ignore the "coaching" that doctors and nurses give you.
You have 3 hours: from the time that you at 10cm and pushing (which don't always happen at the same time, much to the doctors' dismay, hence the coaching) you only have 3 hours to push your baby out before you are considered "failure to progress" and they assume they need to take medical action.
Your birth plan doesn't mean jack: you can't just write a nice birth plan with your wishes and expect it to be followed. You (or more likely your labour support) will have to be proactive in making sure that you are being heard.
You can always say NO: you can say NO to any intervention they throw your way. You can say NO to the scare tactics they use (I was told "you could push for another 12 hours, this baby's not budging") and you can say NO to having a hundred people in your labour room "observing you" like you're some sort of animal in a zoo.

So my advice to expectant moms is to either avoid the hospital scene altogether by getting a midwife or having an unassisted homebirth, or to get a doula or a "been there done that mom" friend whose views on birth are similar to yours. Someone you trust will stand up for you in the midst of the chaos of the medical system. And if you do have an "unnecesaren" or any kind of traumatic birth experience (read as: bad feelings associated with your birth experience) then talk to someone. Get into a support group or find another mom who has been there and worked through it. And of course, pray pray pray about it. God is an amazing Healer and He won't tell you it's silly to feel the way you do. It's not just about having a healthy baby (although that is important and a great blessing) it's also about having a healthy, happy mama.

No Longer a Baby! - Update Post

First off I would like apologize for my lack of posting these last few weeks. It's been a crazy time for us lately. I figure I should take some time to fill you in on some of what has been going on.

One of the "recent events" in my life has occured over a link to a video trailer that I posted on my Facebook page. The documentary is about the influence of the overuse of infant formulas in America. I shared it on my Facebook because I have several friends who would be interested in the education a video/website like that could provide. I also wanted to get more information about the video and how would I be able to see the rest of it.
Some of my breastfeeding friends liked the link (one even knows the author and is getting more informaiton for me about it!) and the information that the video trailer presented. Some of the formula feeding mothers on my friends list agreed that it was an important topic to educate ourselves and talk about. Some were posted directly on my "wall" while a couple were sent as private messages to me.
Unfortunatly, I also recieved some pretty judgemental comments about it. The biggest acusation I recieved was that by posting that link I accused all formula feeding mothers that they are terrible mothers. Now if you watch the link, this video does not say anything about formula feeding mothers being inferior or breastfeeding mothers being superior. My main thought is, did these women even listen to what was said? Or did I just get comments out of their self-defense, perhaps due to their own securities?
In perfect honosty, I would like to say that those comments didn't bother me. But they did. Mostly in the sense that I felt like I was torn down for something I never said or did. I felt attacked for an opinion that I don't hold. I also feel sorry for the mothers who made them because they are obviously already on the defensive about the decisions they made. The video likely just triggered an already existent negative emotional reaction that was, unfortunatly, directed towards me. If you make a decision for the good of your children then you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about them.

Now that I've covered something which has been weighing heavily on my mind for quite some time, I'll move on to more cheery topics. The first one: I dejunked!!! We have (technically) a 5 bedroom home. One of those is our office, one is our bedroom, one has functioned as the "diaper room," and the other two have be basically filled with junk. Caleb and I have finally gotten to the point that we are starting to sleep better with some distance in between us so it was decided for him to actually have his very own bedroom. This meant that at least one of the junk rooms needed to be cleared out. I'm not one to go halfway on a project like that though, so I went storage bin shopping (with my sister, because who wants to buy storage bins solo?) and twisted my husbands arm to help me sort, discard, and store everything. We also recieved and bought some furniture from a friend who is moving and was dejunking as well.
The main floor now has a room for (and shelves/bins) for nearly all of Caleb's toys, books, and craft items (and his craft table), as well as a table for my sewing machine and supplies, and a desk where I can study my parenting and breastfeeding books, Scripture and journal/write. This is quite an accomlishement because the room actually still has floor space for Caleb's train track (his birthday gift from Adam and I) and the whole room is only approx 10.5' by 8.5' (at it's widest points). His bedroom now has his double bed, dressers and a night stand and we were able to keep a separate diaper room with the change table and comfy chair. It was a LOT of work but it was totally worth it! Caleb is currently napping in his new bed. I think it is about the 3rd or 4th time he has done so. I tried to nurse him down in it last night with the plan for us to spend the night there. Caleb had other plans though and nursed his fill, got up, and dragged me by the hand to crawl into bed with daddy :) So I guess he's not quite ready to give up sleeping with us yet, but at least he knows that he has his very own bed for when he's ready.
The best part of my dejunking story: I took a "before" picture of the rooms. Then we worked like busy bees for a couple weeks. When I planned to take the "after" picture my camera was no where to be found. I'm seriously hoping it's not in a storage bin!

My final part of this update is the fact that my little baby is no longer that. He's officially 2 whole years old! We had a really great party with family and a few friends on Sunday. It was a great day for him. He got spoiled rotton and loved every minute of it. In fact, he enjoyed opening the gifts so much that the next day he was putting all his toys back in the boxes to take them out again! He had a blast with his family and little friends who gave him everything from loaders, to a boy doll, to clothes and even one of those Cozy Coupes that he's had his eye on for the last couple of years. We haven't had a lot of the "fancier" toys for him so this birthday it was pretty neat to see his appreciation for his new toys. He's also at an age where he plays with ALL OF THEM. My personal favorie gift that he recieved is a Toddler Learning Kit. The friends who gave it to him/me told me it was to help with my endevours with homeschooling. It's pretty great because it has tips and tools to teach numbers, letters, colours, and shapes. Caleb is going to be sooooo smart! Or at least his mama is going to have a lot of fun over the next year playing "teacher."

So Caleb's birthday party was on Sunday. I had been suffereing from fatigue for several weeks and headaches for several days prior. I should have taken that as a sign. But I ignored it. BAD IDEA! I woke up Sunday morning with chills, body aches, and a monstor headache (previously the headaches started late afternoon to evening). In short, I felt like I got his by a mack truck. I was debating about whether or not I should postpone Caleb's party but cleaned up a bit and prepared the house. Then I figured I would nap for an hour before people came. I woke up from my nap and realized something. I was not coming down with the flu like I originally though. I actually had mastitis. Before the nap I actually felt better. After the nap, add in an inflamed/infected breast to the mack truck. But by this point it was nearly time for people to start arriving so I had no time to cancel the party.
The cure for mastitis is to rest/sleep all day and nurse nurse nurse. I had no opportunity to do either on Sunday. I though for sure that I was going to rush in to either the walk-in or the ER on Monday morning. But Caleb must have sense that something was wrong and God answered my prayers. We went to bed on time and Caleb nursed like a newborn, ALL NIGHT! It was amazing because he hasn't done that for a long time. I woke up Monday morning feeling, surprisingly, better than Sunday. I took Monday to sit on my butt on the couch all day and rest. I am happy to say that I'm feeling much better. I have no idea how I made it through Sunday while feeling so sick but God was looking out for me and He made sure that I didn't suffer extra long for it.

So that was a really long update. I have started several blog entries in the last few weeks and maybe, someday, I'll get time to actually finish them! Hopefully now that my house is more organized my head will be too..... or maybe that's wishful thinking.

Prayer for Patience

Caleb is at a stage in which he has more energy than I do. This is very very bad for me! I love that he is in a good mood nearly all the time but does he really have to run around the house yelling "Mum-bee Mum-bee" all the time?

He's not a high energy child and I'm very blessed with how mellow he really is. But he's still a toddler and toddlers love to get involved with everything. He loves to help cook dinner, sweep the floors, play puzzles with me, wrestle, and he even enjoys helping me go to the bathroom (he loves to flush)! Sometimes I think that having a nap would help. But of course this is always right after he wakes up from his so I can't go down for mine.

Have you ever heard the saying that you can't wait until those sweet little lips say "mama," but once they do you wish he had never learned it? That's precisely the stage that Caleb is at. He always wants to talk to me and he always has something "interesting or exciting" to show me.

For example:
"Mum-bee, mum-beeeeee! MUM-BEEEEE!" "Yes darling?" "Kitty!" (as he points to the cat sleeping on the chair). "Yes Caleb, that's a kitty."
2 minutes later:
"Mum-bee, Mum mum mum-beeee, Mum-beeee!!!" "Yes Caleb?" "Kitty!" (as he puts his finger in the cat's ear) "Yes Caleb, kitty has ears too."2 minutes later:
"Mum-bee? Mum-bee? MUM-BEEEEE!" "Yes Caleb, it's still a kitty!" Caleb responds with a high pitched "wow" "Yes kitty says meow."
2 minutes later...
I think that you get the picture!


I know that it will only get "worse" when he learns the word "why?" To be perfectly honest, there are times when I just throw up my hands and ignore him altogether. I think that's the natural human response. Most moms I know are very good at blocking out loud and annoying noises. I have to remind myself constantly that although I have known for YEARS that kitties have ears, and kitties have sharp teeth, and kitties sleep on chairs etc. apparently this is all news to Caleb. I go back to the mantra of "put yourself in his shoes." I also go back to my familiar old saying that "patience is a virtue." Although I have adapted it into a very short prayer that gets repeated regularly (sometimes many times in one hour!) "Patience is a virtue Lord, that I'm in desperate need of!" Even just that simple reconnection with God gives me enough patience for another round of "mum-bee."

.....
"Yes Caleb, kitty woke up. Maybe he woke up because you're poking him. Can you please be gentle with the kitty?"